I Never Meant To Cause A Fuss

I have a super-secret blog. The fact that you are reading it right now (and you’re not married to me) sort of lessens its super-secret status.  But, it was super secret, once.

I just decided I needed to type something … something nice. About something I loved. And, I thought I could say one or two nice things about baseball and Yoga.  And, it would make me feel good inside to write something positive about some things I love.  What could be easier?

Oh sure, I published it on a blog.  I put it out there.  I just didn’t want to embarrass myself … especially in front of my friends.  So, at first, I didn’t tell a soul.

Eventually, I told my husband (hi honey!) because I needed a grown-up editor to rein in my occasionally all-over-the-place, mixed-up thoughts (and my inability to know a 2-seam from a 4-seam fastball, to spot a balk, or to understand the need for all the spitting).

I asked some friends if I could mention them in my posts, because they know baseball. And, some said “yes” and a few sent some nice thoughts, too.  But, I wouldn’t give them the address.

I was shy.  But, mostly, I just didn’t think it was anything special.  Oh, I hoped one day I might find my voice and begin to channel Dorothy Parker (who, in her day, probably wanted nothing to do with baseball).  But, there are loads of sports bloggers, and tweeters, and posters everywhere on the Internet who are witty and funny and baseball savvy and much chattier than me.

A couple weeks ago, I broke down and sent the link to a few friends.  And, you know what I heard back?  Nothing.  Not a peep.  And, I thought, oh my God, it’s so horrible that they can’t find a single nice thing to say about it (clearly due to my lousy editor), or it’s so boring that they completely forgot that they had even looked at it.  (Thank you to my one friend – who doesn’t even particularly like baseball – who read it and was kind.)

So, on I went.  And, over the course of a month or so, I posted a handful of positive happy-ish baseball and Yoga posts.  However, I also wrote one about performance enhancing drugs (PEDs).  I was conflicted over the stories of one … then two … ballplayers suspended after failing drug tests.  In trying to understand why someone would risk it, I admitted that I used my own PED – Diet Mountain Dew.  As often happens with me, I ultimately came to no conclusion.  I’m still conflicted.

Really, I thought the best part of the post was that I got my cat Stevie to pose with her nose in a can of Diet Mountain Dew.   (No, really, check her out: Cheaters Never Prosper)

Then that single PED post – the one sorta, kinda negative post on an otherwise upbeat blog – ended up being featured on Word Press.  And, suddenly people started coming and reading and commenting and thumbing-up.  (Thank you by the way for the nice feedback.  I may be shy, but once the cat was out of the bag, I was happy for a few pats on the back.)

A lot of people commented, and many people shared how angry and disgusted and disillusioned they were by professional sports – or, more specifically, professional athletes.  Cheaters.  Liars.  Ungrateful.  Greedy.  Jerks.   I stirred up a little nest of unhappiness when I wanted this to be a place to forget all the ugly stuff that sullies a sport that I love.

Dammit.

I left baseball for five years because of the liars and the cheaters and the jerks in the game.  But, I came back.  I may still rag those jerks on here from time to time, but I won’t let them ruin things for me again.

So then what?  I just love baseball.  I see a lot of parallels in the game and in my Yoga practice and how I teach it to my students.

Baseball and Yoga teach us to be alert even when things are slow.  To be focused, patient, balanced, and perfectly aligned.  To be precise, to be in the moment.

And those Elysian Fields of baseball – those lush expanses of green, green grass that can choke you up the first time you see them — are as serene a place to me as my Yoga mat.

For just a little while the world stands still.

It’s about the stillness and the bliss.  And, that’s what I want these posts to be, too.  Most of them, anyway.

5 thoughts on “I Never Meant To Cause A Fuss

  1. Didn’t mean to crash your private space via Freshly Pressed! Yes, I spewed a little negativity. But that also isn’t how I generally operate. Baseball, as with most things in life, are best followed along the middle path. I think your previous post was thought provoking, and pointing out the human fallibility of super stars isn’t necessarily negative. Or, if it is negative, it’s necessary to temper the halo effect. Think of it like a cup of coffee (my favorite PED). It wouldn’t be a complete experience without the bitter notes.

    • Oh, your comment on that post — and your experience with the guy in high school — was especially good for me to hear. I was really glad you took the time to write, because it reminds me to not assume someone is a “good guy” just because he might be a good athlete, or that he may get rounded up by his team to do a charity thing now and then. (I guess the reverse is not to assume someone is a completely jerk because he takes a banned PED and gets caught. Ayyy … I’m making my brain hurt.)

      I’m actually glad that some people “found” this blog afterall. It’s good to have some feedback that makes me work things out in my head a bit more. And, you’ve got a great blog … and I’m happy to be following it!

  2. You are a good writer and shouldn’t doubt yourself…the thing about writing publicly nowadays is the potential for such negativity, but it doesn’t diminish your original ideas…so keep them coming. Baseball specifically lends itself to memories I believe, for those who love the game. It’s always a part of our lives that is entwined with the love of the sport. My girlfriend and I just went to another new (for us)stadium this past weekend(trip to Seattle) and we are lucky enough to get to hit up another stadium next week in D.C. Each trip has baseball at its core, but the memories we share while we are in these cities will last us a lifetime. Cheers

  3. Thanks for inspiring me … and for your thoughtful and thought-provoking comments. It’s that beautiful sense of place and memory with baseball that I think is so important. That’s what I love best about it (although that the unappreciated Orioles are tied for first in the AL East in September is not too bad either). Have a great time soaking in baseball …wherever you find it! I love reading other people’s baseball memories and joy, they make me smile as much as my own memories.

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