Hey, Zuzu, what’s new? Not January 1, that’s for sure.
On reflection, I began 2016 on a sour note. Sorry about that.
(It has been nine weeks since baseball, which I think explains my grumpiness.)
I complained on Friday about New Year’s, arguing that there’s nothing particularly “new” about January 1.
Here it is January 3 and I’m not quite done with this.
Because, I am right about January 1 being an overhyped holiday. It’s like the hoverboard of days on a calendar.
(For those of you wondering where the baseball is in this post, please replace the over-hyped “hoverboard” with “Todd Van Poppel.”)
“Todd Van Poppel pitched 11 atrocious big league seasons propelled by hype alone.” ~ Eric Nusbaum, deadspin.com
Even the traditions of “New” Year’s aren’t all that special …
You might think that more champagne is sold during December than any other month. You’re actually right about this. Twenty-two percent of all champagne sales come in December.
But that means that most champagne – 78 percent of it – is sold and consumed at other times of the year, including Valentine’s Day and wedding season.
Congratulations! You still have a lot more champagne to look forward to this year!
Champagne Jelly Beans. Surprisingly delicious.
I boycott football because it is barbaric and causes lasting brain damage in many players from the relentless thump-thump-thumping of heads into each other and against the ground. Go ahead, thump your forehead against your best friend’s to see what it feels like. (See, you won’t even try because you know it’s bad for you).
I may not watch football, but I do know this – there have been a zillion college bowl games on television and most of them were not played on “New” Year’s Day.
This season there are 41 bowl games, including the playoffs. Eighty college teams have played. (Fifteen of them had losing records this season.)
Just five of those 41 games were played on January 1.
There were more bowl games played on Saturday, December 19 (six) and Saturday, December 26 (six) than on “New” Year’s Day.
January 1: Just another day for college football.
“New” Year’s Dangers: Fireworks, Gunshots, & Drunk Drivers.
Fireworks, stray celebratory gunfire (seriously?), and drunk drivers make “New” Year’s a deadly night.
But, it’s not the deadliest. That honor goes to the Fourth of July, which is the most deadly holiday of the year, thanks to even more fireworks, more drinking, more car accidents, as well as drowning, and other accidents that come from being outdoors when you’re drunk in the summer.
4th of July: We’re Number One!
Quite honestly, to be on the safe side, it’s probably best not to even leave the house on New Year’s or the Fourth of July.
Auld Lang Syne.
Sing it. Go ahead. Sing it right now.
“We’ll take a cup of kindness yet”?
That’s the lyric?
Last week, National Public Radio lamented that people are increasingly less likely to sing Auld Lang Syne – an 18th-century song about both drinking and friendship – on New Year’s Eve and, if they do sing it, they usually slobber over the words.
So, yes, Auld Lang Syne, like hipster “man buns”, is over.Embed from Getty Images
Which is not to say that Auld Lang Syne – or at least a form of it – isn’t sung on other days.
The University of Virginia celebrates its sporting victories with The Good Old Song, a song that dates to the 1890s. It sounds remarkably like Auld Lang Syne because … it is. Just with different lyrics.
You can sing along if you like. Here’s what you do.
First, find a UVA game and wait for the Virginia Cavaliers to win.
Oh, look they just did!
January 2, 2016. UVA – 77 Notre Dame – 66
Now, stand up and put your arms around whomever is standing next to you (if you don’t know them, all the better, Wahoos are a friendly bunch). Sway side to side. And, sing …
That good old song of Wah-hoo-wah—
we’ll sing it o’er and o’er
It cheers our hearts and warms our blood
to hear them shout and roar
We come from old Virginia,
where all is bright and gay
Let’s all join hands and give a yell
for dear old U.Va.
Wah-hoo-wah, wah-hoo-wah! Uni-V, Virginia!
Hoo-rah-ray, hoo-rah-ray, ray, ray—U-Va!
Now, let’s stop with this January 1 New Year folderol and start counting down to a meaningful New Year:
Just 90 days ‘til Opening Day.