“There was a little girl who had a little curl, right in the middle of her forehead. When she was good she was very, very good, and when she was bad she wore this divine nightdress of rose-colored mousseline de soie, trimmed with frothy Valenciennes lace.” ~ Dorothy Parker
A recent study of clothes and fashion found that the average woman, of which I am one, has 27 pairs of shoes. (I am assuming they all belong to her and she’s not like a puppy stealing the neighbor’s shoes and burying them in her closet.)
Men have, on average, 12 pairs. (They all look vaguely similar and most of them are New Balance.)
Women take a lot of heat from guys who don’t understand why we need so many shoes, including at least one pair that we’ve never worn. Sure, it doesn’t make sense. To you. But, it does to me, so shut up about the shoes.
If you want to rag on fashion, how about Major League baseball?
Because in 2016, the 30 teams will wear all sorts of specialty uniforms – throwback days that nearly every team has, and league-wide celebrations of holidays and special events, including Mother’s and Father’s Day, Memorial Day, the Fourth of July, the All-Star Game, and even the Home Run Derby, which isn’t even a game, but three hours of watching your favorite player destroy his swing for the rest of the season.
Teams will wear each of these special jerseys and caps for one day and that will be that.
So before you make fun of what women keep in their closets, be advised that while we, on average, do have something tucked away on a hanger that we only wore once (and maybe, kind of, regret now), Major League Baseball has given every player lots of wear-it-once jerseys and caps – in addition to their regular three or four home-and-away uniforms.
With 750 active players on team rosters, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Memorial Day, and the Fourth of July alone will add up to 3,000 special caps and jerseys – which, Mathlete Alert!, will weigh about 3,000 pounds. (The average cap weighs 6 ounces, the average jersey, 10 ounces.)
After the games, players and coaches autograph their one-day jerseys so they can be auctioned off with the proceeds going to various veterans’ organizations and cancer research groups. (Although with 3,000 of these things going on the block every season, when will the “exclusive” wear off?)
But, I like the effort. Good for you, baseball.
Unfortunately, the jerseys are, for the most part, meh.
You can check out every single one that will be worn by every single team this season here.
I can still see the logos, so that’s lousy camouflage if you ask me.
Fourth of July.
I do like the Home Run Derby jerseys which will be worn during this year’s All-Star Game festivities – but not the actual game – in San Diego.
They pay homage to the 1970s-era Padres and their very, um, 1970s sense of fashion. In an era that churned out way too many baby blue leisure suits, elephant bell bottoms, and boxy crocheted vests, there’s something warm and retro-sweet about that Padres’ brown-orange-and-mustard combo. It reminds me of my mom’s kitchen.
Sure, I could complain about the Fourth of July and these dull star-speckled caps, but I think I do that every year around this time, mainly because I’m curious to see how the Toronto Blue Jays will celebrate a holiday that doesn’t belong to them.
This year …
A bunch of stars for 29 teams.
A bunch of maple leafs for Toronto.
It’s supposed to look like mesh, I suppose, but it reminds me of those old dot-matrix printers that you might be too young to remember.
The throwbacks that many teams will wear throughout the season are way cooler. Like the Pittsburgh Pirates in their Stargell-era uniforms that they are wearing on Sundays.
Awww, it’s the pillbox cap!
But, the coolest of all are those that turn up each season in the minor leagues.
Like the Stockton Ports who recently celebrated Asparagus Night.
And, the Lehigh Iron Pigs who celebrate bacon every Saturday.
And, the Fresno Grizzlies who celebrate tacos every Tuesday.
I wish every day was Taco Tuesday. I am so hungry right now I can’t even finish this post …
BIG THANKS to Chris Creamer of SportsLogos.Net who kindly allowed me to use his photos of this year’s specialty uniforms. Check out his website here: http://www.sportslogos.net
Those minor league jerseys are making me hungry! I love them! We were just talking about the special-events jerseys last night here, wondering about the whys and what happens to them after the ninth innings, so the timing of your post is almost freaky. I never did appreciate what the Padres were trying to accomplish back then, but I have always loved the Pirates’ unis during that era. Happy flashbacks reading this today.
There’s something hideously beautiful about the Padres and the Astros 1970s-era uniforms and any team with who had a pillbox cap. So uncool that they transcend cool entirely! :)
My grandmother use to say that to me when I was little, I had a curl in the middle of my forehead! Hers was a bit different though. And I love the throwback uniforms, but that is a lot of uniforms, and a lot of laundry.
What was your grandmother’s saying?
There was a little girl with a little curl in the middle of her forehead.
And when she was good, she was very good, but when she was bad she was horrid.
Shows what I know … it’s a Longfellow poem (although I still prefer Dorothy Parker’s revision):
THERE was a little girl,
And she had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead.
When she was good
She was very, very good,
And when she was bad she was horrid.
One day she went upstairs,
When her parents, unawares,
In the kitchen were occupied with meals,
And she stood upon her head
In her little trundle-bed,
And then began hooraying with her heels.
Her mother heard the noise,
And she thought it was the boys
A-playing at a combat in the attic;
But when she climbed the stair,
And found Jemima there,
She took and she did spank her most emphatic.
Thank you. I only recall the song from a Mac and Tosh (the Gopher twins) Warner Brothers cartoon.
Oh my, that is quite the poem, I am so glad my grandmother only read the first part to me!! And thank you for teaching me where she learned got it.
I agree the special uniforms are blah. But that asparagus one – I loved that one! Fun, creative and very different! Aside from that, the Pirates should have left that pill box hat in the archives! That should be most entertaining to see on top of Clint Hurdle’s head! LOL
I actually love the Pirates unis and caps … I think the pillbox cap is awesome! Maybe because it’s just so retro. But, I do like it! And, yes, I love the asparagus and taco jerseys, too. Yum! :)
Hate to use the word, but I HATE the trend to “camo” uniforms! I’m not much for the knee-jerk glorification of “our men and women in uniform”, either (and, yes, I am a veteran, and I know exactly how most of us feel about being called “heroes”). I know that there’s nothing more American than flogging the flag for a buck, and baseball is the American pastime, and all that, but the last thing I want to be thinking about, at a baseball game, is some military action, somewhere. A baseball game is one of the things I attend to get away from all that stuff, and the relentless jingoism is hard enough to ignore, without a bunch of camo’ed, players on the field. Not likely to stop, anytime soon, but it just annoys the hell out of me.
Not to mention that the camo doesn’t work. Probably because it’s one style for all players. Infielders should be getting a variation on desert camo so they’ll disappear into dirt, while the outfielders should have some kind of prairie camo that’ll blend into the grass.
Of course, the TV networks might have a problem with that. Who’s going to watch two and a half hours of a ball appearing out of nowhere, then disappearing again when it hits the catcher’s mitt?
I agree with you on the camo thing … it seems a bit flip. I also have read the stories about how many of baseball’s events to honor the military and veterans throughout the season are actually funded by the Defense Department, which means they’re not really honoring anything, they’re just advertising the military, along with all the other ads for beer and cars and what-not they promote.
Hey, knock off with the critique of blue leisure suits and elephant bell bottoms. I looked quite dashing in those. :-)
I bet you made all the girls swoon … especially if you had the ascot thing going, too! :)
(P.S. True Confession: I had elephant bell bottoms and one day a pant leg got wrapped in the chains of my bike and I toppled off the side and into the ditch. I suffer for my fashion.)
It was the hounds tooth bell bottoms that attracted my wife.
No offense to your mother’s kitchen, but mustard and brown belong to someone taking your order at the Chicken Shack. Wouldn’t even recommend the mix for a woman’s shoe. Love the creative and colorful Minor League specialties. I’m just glad the Fargo-Moorhead Redhawks don’t celebrate Lutefisk Night, Lutheran Hot Dish Night, Eelpout Night or Liver and Onions Night.
Now you’ve inspired me! Why shouldn’t a kitchen be mustard? I’m envisioning now a mustard, ketchup, and relish colored kitchen, with onion accents. Ooooh, I like it!
And, I think Hot Dish night in Fargo is a perfect fit … they could have macaroni on their jerseys!
It took all I had not to be upset looking at the Pirates throwback uniforms. Some grudges die hard. That said, I do like the look of it, always have. All the other special unis don’t really mean that much to me. I do like the O’s Saturday Orange jerseys though. And one day, I’ll get one. LOL
I know. I had to swallow hard as I wrote nice things about the Pirates’ pillbox — especially when I realized that this season’s throwbacks are to celebrate their 1979 World Series victory. Argh. But, then I thought, “Sure. Have fun with that Buccos. I’m happy to settle for a 2016 Orioles World Series jersey.”
(I did happen to be at last year’s game for the JJ Hardy orange jersey giveaway … so I’ve got that O’s jersey, although it was free, so you can guess that it’s not a long-lasting sort of thing.)
From your thoughts to the baseball gods ears…
I had no idea baseball uniform fashion could be such a hot topic! It has totally abolished any residual guilt I was carrying over the 47 pairs of shoes (more than one pair never worn) I recently donated to Goodwill after cleaning out closets. But pillbox caps? Really?!?
47 pairs? OK, you’ve got me beat. I didn’t quite get to 27, but I came close. And, yes, including one pair that I have never worn (and thought, as I was counting, “Oh yeh, I forgot I had these”).
Oh, not you, too? Stop ragging on the pillbox caps … they’re awesome, in a weird, retro, quirky, but still rock-awesome, way! :)
I agree the uniform thing is getting a little ridiculous. And the minor leagues are the worst offenders, but I do love seeing how each team designs their Star Wars night jerseys! And I do love the colors of the July 4th games.
BTW, I only have three pairs of shoes: tennis shoes, boots, and flip-flops…
How about the emojis jersey the West Michigan Whitecaps will wear tonight? (Here it is: http://www.fox4news.com/news/167375314-story)
This season even the University of Virginia had a throwback uniform … I guess high school and Little League teams will be next!
With just tennis shoes, boots, and flip-flops, what do you wear to formal affairs like weddings and funerals?? And, are your tennis shoes New Balance? :)
I saw the ‘Caps jerseys, and they’re crazy!!! I know Louisville has at least 4-5 different sets of uniforms, for day games, Sundays, whatever.
My tennis shoes are Under Armor, and I guess I wear by black boots to formal stuff, though that really is a rare occasion. I guess I do have a pair of dress shoes for my formal work uniform, and I might have to buy a pair of sandals living farther south!
I have been to see the Lehigh Valley Iron Pigs, and bacon is a way of life there! I won’t shamelessly provide a link to last year’s write up….. :-) Oh, don’t forget all the variations of uniforms and caps the teams wear during spring training, and their BP gear before the game. It gets so crazy that sometimes even the players don’t know which uni to wear. See http://ftw.usatoday.com/2016/06/cardinals-pitcher-trevor-rosenthal-wrong-jersey-brewers-mlb and it happened to the cubs in 2015 and 2014! And Uribe of the Dodgers did it last year as well http://www.cbssports.com/mlb/news/look-juan-uribe-wore-the-wrong-jersey-on-friday-night/
Yes, you’re absolutely right about all the different variations of “regular” uniforms.
We were at a College Summer League game this past weekend and the visiting team player that was announced at-bat had the wrong number on his jersey. The couple sitting next to us were his summer host family and they leaned over to us and said, “He forgot his jersey so they had to give him someone else’s.” At least it looked the same, just the number was wrong! :)
Fighting the urge to run up and count my shoes. The trouble is, most don’t quite wear out, and if once loved, it’s hard to send them on. That’s my story.
Cammo caps. A little something for everyone!
I’ve even seen the cammo jerseys and caps at college games. I’m still fond of those those taco caps … they make me awfully hungry.
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