“I used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy trophies. Now I’m good at everything.” ~ Demetri Martin
The Baltimore Orioles look like the guys who might deliver a truckload of mulch to your house.
(Did you know that people have truckloads of mulch delivered to their houses? Truckloads. I didn’t know someone would need that much mulch, but apparently there are mulch-mad people out there. I have no idea what you do with mulch. Seriously, I know nothing about mulch.)
The O’s look like the guys who will change the oil in your car, put the gravel on your driveway and push the snow off of it. Ordinary guys.
No crazy, mountain-man beards. (Not allowed.)
No dreadlocks. (Also, not allowed, which was, I’m sure, shear sadness for Jemile Weeks who joined the club fully dreaded in December, but is now the undread.)
No mustaches. (Unless they are “neat.” Yes, that’s the Orioles’ rule. Neatness counts, fellas.)
Neat? Not Neat? Close call.
So, no wacky allowed in Birdland. No wacky at all.
I like a little wacky and I know you do, too. (I’ve gotten to know my readers – both of you – and I’ve checked your Facebook pages. I know how you appreciate a healthy dose of irreverence, bad puns, and third-grade potty humor: What’s the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup? Anyone can mash potatoes. Really? Really?)
But, back to the Orioles.
I appreciate Baltimore’s working guy thing. I like that the sports world gives the Orioles no chance … no chance … to do anything in the AL East this season.
As the Orioles will tell you (when they’re not tidying up their mustaches and memorizing the dress code), they like this fly-under-the-radar thing.
No expectations in April will, of course, make their almost-assured World Series championship in October that much sweeter.
Closer Grant Balfour was nearly-almost-thisridiculouslyclose to signing with the Orioles in December. Then, he failed his physical and the deal was off. But really, I think the deal was off when the Orioles discovered he drove this …
That is not a workingman truck. (And, good luck parking that in Tampa.)
But, back to the Orioles.
They are allowed neatly groomed mustaches, they have a ping-pong table, and on super hot days they get to wear shorts for batting practice.
Other than that, they keep the crazy locked down tight in the clubhouse.
You won’t see any goofy television commercials from Birdland.
(Let’s not blame the team. Let’s blame the team’s PR firm.)
So, check out some new sweet, sassy ads from other teams.
Here’s Minnesota Twins’ legend Kent Hrbek giving playing tips to Joe Mauer.
This Twins’ commercial has a back story. Click here. (Gant was safe, by the way.)
Here are two from the Oakland A’s …
(That’s University of Virginia alum Sean Doolittle with the beard.)
Josh Donaldson’s “Tarp Therapy”
From the Seattle Mariners …
And, Felix Hernandez is King.
And, from the San Francisco Giants …
Mi Amor from Sergio Romo and Buster Posey
The Two Brandons (Belt and Crawford)
The Giants, overachievers that they are, have a bunch more and you can see them all here.
But, back to the Orioles.
They picked up a lot of talent in the off-season. Acting chops, too. Who knew?
Here’s the Orioles’ newest starting pitcher Ubaldo Jimenez when he was with the Colorado Rockies in 2011.
And, here’s the Orioles’ newest home run smoosher Nelson Cruz when he was with the Texas Rangers in an ad for a video game in 2010.
Just two days ’til Opening Day …
The Baseball Bloggess 
I never thought I’d laugh so hard about mulch, mustaches, pea soup, and parking in Tampa! It’s a good thing Opening a Day is almost here — the off season has taken you to the edge, a good edge, but definitely an edge. Thanks for the grins.
:)
I’ve been waiting to share the Giants commercials … then I saw the A’s … then the Mariners … and finally the Twins. (Although I can’t believe I’m letting Kent Hrbek have a spot on my blog … ewwww.) So, I had to share them all. But, really, when I unearthed the Ubaldo and Nelson commercials, I was so happy! I just had to “link dump” them all into the post.
Go O’s … just two more days ’til it all begins!
Careful with the Kent Hrbek comments. He went to the same high school as my dear hubby (graduated the year between him and his sister, I believe). He’s Minnesota’s hometown-boy-made-good story. And when getting in shape to play wasn’t worth it to him come spring, he quit, saying “there are 10,000 lakes in Minnesota and I’m going to fish every one of the them.” You have to respect that kind of candor.
Hrbek retired because he was getting old and wasn’t interested in working hard at his job. He had a history of being lazy and so not rehabbing properly or well from his many injuries, showing up to spring training overweight, and generally not living up to his own hype (especially in the World Series). I respect the guys who show up to play every day, work hard, and are tough and dedicated team players. Hrbek … none of those.