I’m not sure why I care so much about Manny Machado.
Manny Machado, you may have heard, is expected to sign a $300-million, 10-year contract with the San Diego Padres.
(The San Diego Padres – the team you always forget when you’re trying to name all 30.)
This is the biggest free agent contract in sports history.
Until, I guess, Bryce Harper signs – with, maybe, the Phillies – later this week.
(The Philadelphia Phillies – the team with the name that’s not even trying. All teams should do that. The Washington Washies. The New York Yorkies – woof! The San Diego Sandies. The Baltimore Balties. Whatever.)
Having boatloads of quality free agents still unsigned when spring training is well underway is both weird and disconcerting.
Nothing feels right when so many players are just hanging out in their back yards swinging off a child’s tee ball set. (I’m assuming that’s what they do when they’re not at spring training.)
But, now one of them – Manny Machado – has a job.
“The news that Machado had chosen the Pads sent a shock wave through the White Sox front office, since the Sox reportedly offered him an eight-year deal worth a guaranteed $250 million, which would work out to an average salary that was $1.25 million per year higher than the $30 million per year offered by the Padres.” ~ The Baltimore Sun
Should you need a refresher on why Manny Machado, the former Oriole, deserves $300 million …
That, dear friends, is $300 million.
Or, 46 million burrito bowls from Chipotle …
… with 46 million scoops of guac.
3 million years of Amazon Prime.
23 million calculators that can display $300,000,000.
But, not mine …
But, here we are a week into spring training and we still have a clogged drain of teamless ballplayers. So, maybe, just maybe, signing Manny Machado to $300 million is just the drain snake that we need to unclog and get these players jobs.
$300 Million. Or, 54 million FlexiSnake Drain Weasels. (I’m assuming there’s free shipping with that.)
I hate the business’y, jobby part of baseball. I hate the dickering over millions of dollars. I hate that team owners will raise the price of tickets and blame it on fans … “Well, you wanted to win, so we went out and got you a pitcher with a 3.45 ERA and those don’t come cheap.” It’s always our fault somehow.
I hate that beloved Orioles outfielder Adam Jones is still unsigned because, I’m guessing, he’s 33 and at 33 he’s not as nimble as he was at, say, 28 … or 29 … or 30.
I hate that 33 is old.
If that’s the case, I must be a tortoise.
I hate that the Orioles are in a rebuild which will probably mean the O’s will lose 100 games this season. And, next season. And, the season after that. And, come on! Even tortoises can’t wait forever.
When you are as old as an old tortoise, a four-season wait to become a contender is a bit iff’y. I’m at the point now where, when the roofers come over and give their estimate to repaint the tin roof that includes a 30-year guarantee, I say, “What about 10 years? Is it cheaper with just a 10-year guarantee? Because that’s really all I want to commit to.”
The San Diego Padres turn 50 this season. Manny turns 27.
Manny Machado has a job.
And, I got to write “drain weasel” in a post which is something I never expected to do.
And, it’s snowing right now as I write this. But, it will be sleeting later. And, then it will rain. And, then the sun will come out.
And, then it will be baseball.