Life is hard. Times are tough. I haven’t written on here in forever. Forever being one year, but it is forever in the land of blogs. It seems like forever to me.
I missed you, dear readers (Reader? One? Two? Anyone?)
I’ve missed wrapping my head around faded and peculiar box scores in 100-year-old newspapers.
I’ve missed the challenge of finding some new and comforting way to explain the disappointment of the Baltimore Orioles.
(I have no words for that right now. I’ll need a little time before we again wander together down that mysterious, but maybe not all that surprising, Orioles road to nowhere. At least we have Ryan O’Hearn. There. I said it.)
But, all the bad news and weight of the world have occupied my working life and made my stress’y brain foggy and restless.
(It also put me in the ER last month, but that’s a story for another day.)
I needed a challenge. Something new, but sort of familiar. And that’s where Bob Dylan comes in. Because life isn’t all baseball. (It’s not, right?)
It’s hard to explain, but I needed to find a new rabbit hole to help me slip away from the heavy, ugliness of the day-to-day and lead me back here.
I needed to come up with a puzzling, weirdo, deep-divey place for my brain. I knew I needed something rich, strange, and hard – so it had to be, I decided, either John Coltrane or Bob Dylan. Coltrane’s jazz is hard. Dylan is hard. But at the end of the day, I’m a writer. It had to be words. I love words. I love to write them and to read them and to let them unfold on a blank screen. Writing sometimes feels like releasing all the stuff stuck inside me. It’s like healing.
I’m sorry, John Coltrane. “A Love Supreme” might be a little too tough a road for my tired little brain and heart.
Bob Dylan. Little Leaguer.
Have you heard Dylan’s “Desolation Row”? I mean, really heard it? All 11-plus minutes of it? Are you a Dylan nerd who has tried to piece it together word by word determined to make sense of it? Has it given you strange, dark circus dreams where you’re surrounded by funhouse mirrors that stretch your face like bread dough (similar to what gravity and the aging process are currently doing to my jowls)? Have you?
I have.
Dylan has more than 80 albums to unpack. Sure, I’ve listened to a lot of them over the years. Some more than others. Others not at all. Now, I’m listening to all of them. In slow, methodical, over-and-over-again, let-it-wash-over-you chronological order. That should take a while. (Blonde on Blonde, buckle up. You’re up next.)
Where will all this go? Don’t worry, I’m not going to go all dissect-the-lyrics nerd on you. But, I needed something. I’m still the Baseball Bloggess, but I think this new rabbit hole is waking up my brain again. It’s making me remember how beautiful and twisted words can be. And how much I love writing them.
So here I am. And, maybe you’re here, too.
I don’t know what I’ll write next or when. There’s still baseball in my brain. Other things, too.
Oh, in case you missed it, on April 20, the Orioles lost 24-2 to the Cincinnati Reds – the O’s biggest blowout loss since August 22, 2007 when they lost 30-3 to the Texas Rangers. As of today, the O’s are 19-36 and 16 games back in the AL East.
(I hope 80 Dylan albums are going to be enough.)
The Baseball Bloggess 
Hey!
Keep it up. Glad the Bloggess is back!
I hope it doesn’t take me another year to write 500 words.
Welcome back!
I’ve missed reading your words and enjoying your photography, Ken. I am realigning my priorities and am looking forward to a deep dive into all I’ve missed from you in the past many months. Plus, I hope you’re enjoying your Mets this season!
Brilliantly introspective and thoughtful Jackie. So glad to read your words again. I won’t harp on the Orioles too much….just to say I was surprised they didn’t do more in the off season, but I guess everyone is thinking that now. It just kind of sucks and you being an Orioles fan, I’m sorry, but as for Dylan, a great idea to explore. I’m immediately reminded of Dylan’s song CATFISH. And oh yeh, I hope the situation that sent you to the ER has been resolved. Welcome back!
Steve, I think of you and your words often and am looking forward to binge-reading all I’ve missed from you. Your beautiful writing has always inspired me. I’m committed to realigning my priorities and it’s funny that Dylan is sort of serving as my guidance counselor. And, yes, all fine after my ER adventure — sometimes the hardest lessons about what’s important in life come from a bumpy ambulance ride. But, I’m 100% fine and now just looking for inspiration from Dylan, you, and others to set me on a better path.
Wow, I’m kind of touched by what you’ve said Jackie. Thank you for the kind words. Glad to hear that your health is well again and please do keep writing and creating your well-written, kind of magical posts. You’ve been missed.
I’m still here, and I’ll be waiting here whenever you return. Baseball people know how to wait. We wait for that great diving stab. We wait to see the runner caught trying to steal third. We wait to see another runner escape a rundown. We wait for that highlight reel catch by a fan. We can wait for Jackie. The wait is always worth it.
I became an O’s fan in 1988 when they got off to that horrible 0-21 start. I’m still waiting for that Oriole’s Magic “World Series” energy. I know Tom Petty sang “The waiting is the hardest part,” but with the Orioles, I’ve discovered the waiting is the “only” part. I’ll try not to wait a year for my next post!
Marvelous, Jacke! I emailed you and I hope you get it. 2 Thumbs up in boy howdy mudra!!! I love your words.
Thank you, Janice and for your email with your Dylan memories.
I don’t even watch baseball, but I do enjoy reading your blog when I can! In fact I am more intrigued by Bob Dylan so I’m looking forward to your thoughts.
I took a class in college called “The Literature of Rock N Roll.” The so-called teacher focused on telling us exactly what every single song meant, including Dylan, and any other interpretation was wrong. How silly. I don’t think Desolation Row was on her list but that would have been interesting.
Welcome back to the rabbit hole!
Hi Andy! I agree with you. Who can decide definitively what a lyric or a poem means? Isn’t part of the point leaving it up to the listener or reader to make it their own in some way? I have these lightbulb moments when trying to figure out Dylan lyrics if I play an album while I’m doing Yoga, not distracted by other things. I tend to be a surface listener. If you sing that a bird is blue, I will trust that you are singing about a blue bird. I won’t necessarily catch that the blue bird represents President Calvin Coolidge or whatever. But, I do have these Dylan moments on my mat — OH! THAT! I love that moment when something feels completely different. It reminds me that while my brain is getting older and maybe some of the wiring is faulty, every once in a while it can unravel something weird but beautiful. I’m so glad you stopped by … and yes, I think Dylan will make his way into this dusty blog.
Welcome back for however long you care to stay.
Like waiting for the O’s to prove their recent successes were not just a fluke. One takes what one can get 😉
I was afraid I had just unleashed another “post-a-year” thing, but I have another deep dive into a 19th-century pitcher underway. And, look at the O’s … they’ve been remarkably better since I woke up the blog. Coincidence? 🤷♀️
I think it’s more than coincidental! 😁👍🏻⚾️
So good to hear your voice again, Bloggess, love!
Oddly, I’ve been laying out, baseball-wise, for about the same time. The whole, disgusting experience of the once-mighty Oakland A’s, cynically, blatantly brought down to playing in a sandlot in Sacramento, on their way (in some world of dreams) to a mega-stadium in Las Vegas (right next to what’s left of the Grateful Dead), just turned me off the whole game. Too, the descent of my country into fascism kind of made baseball seem frivolous, in contrast, like the games held in declining Rome.
But… I miss it. So, this year I’m doing my best to put cynicism aside and get back into the game. It really helps that the San Francisco Giants are having a great year (“fair weather” fan alert), locked in a pitched battle for first place, National League West. Once again, I’m getting out my old portable radio, checking the scores and standings daily and slowly getting to know the names of the players. It’s an effort, but an afternoon listening to baseball is an afternoon not wondering what my “Real” driver’s license actually says about me.
Look forward to reading anything you feel like writing, about your beloved Birds, or anything else.
Be well, always. -Jojn
It is so good to hear from you … and I feel your A’s pain. Zach Gelof is a former University of Virginia player and one of the nicest people; you can’t help but root for him. I feel for that team and how the 21st-century baseball business has taken the joy out of them.
It is not lost on me that the Orioles recent turnaround began right around the time I woke up this little blog. I leave nothing to chance, so I will do my best to keep writing.
And, there’s no shame in listening to Jon Miller call a Giants game on the radio. In fact, it’s magical!
Thank you always for stopping by and keeping in touch.
Awesome – you should spend more of your time on this thinking/writing thing.
Thank you … yes, that’s on my to-do list.
I’ve heard.
Welcome back! Always, always glad to see your byline pop up in my alerts.
Never been a big Dylan fan myself, but yeah, that sounds like the perfect program to jog your brain into motion again.
Meanwhile, I made the mistake of watching the Mariners begin their inevitable descent from their early division lead. Thirteen runs allowed in the tenth inning across the last two games and now the Astros are a half game up. Oy. Probably a good thing I’ll be at work for today’s game.
But anyway. Hoping your DylanDistraction proves effective over the long term.
Hi Casey! Dylan is sneaky. He bides his time. He waits, patiently. Years sometimes. Then all of a sudden, you’re pulled down the rabbit hole and pulling out Rimbaud from a box you haven’t touched since college.
But, if he can help me get my baseball-writing mojo back, I’ll be thrilled.
I hope you and the cats are doing well.
“Hey”…..not particularly a fan of baseball or Dylan….but I am a fan of YOU!
Glad to see you writing this blog again and I will read every word and learn something :)
Thank you! Dylan went through so many different Dylan versions that I’m 100% certain we can find one of those Dylan eras that fits you. I’ll come up with some options for you. :)
Hope things get better for you. We’re all stuck in this bizzaro world right now. Try to not let all the suck bring you down.
Calvin
Hi Calvin! Yes, bizzarro world has been weighing heavily on me these days, but I’m finally going to let some of it go. It took a while for me to realize that I needed to let go. Waking up this blog is the first step. I hope you’re doing well!
Back in the day I worked for a non-profit saving the world, and my boss had a sign in his office that said “Don’t Let the Bastards Get You Down”. I always loved that sentiment, as it is at once hopeful and defiant. I hope you’ve been able to be gentle with yourself during this difficult time. And I hope your trip to the ER was nothing serious! Sending healing thoughts and prayers to you. I was so delighted to see you in my inbox this morning.
Hi Jan, I think the ER trip was the message I needed (since I have been ignoring the more subtler messages from the universe). Waking up this blog again is the first step … but the next steps are underway, too. It’s never too late to do what you should have done years ago, right? Well, that’s my new motto anyway. I’ll try to pop up in your inbox again soon. :)
Hi Jackie!
I’m so happy to see you back here. I think about you often and especially so as the baseball season opens. I hope that the ER provided the treatment and care you needed and I will hope that you’re on a trajectory to your best physical and mental health. The weight of this world right now is heavy, unbearable even at times, and I too have found writing more challenging than ever these last many months. Writing IS healing, at least it has always felt so for me. I look forward to reading more of your healing as you return to the blog world, whether you dip your toes to reenter or cannonball right in to these unchartered waters. Take good care of you and please tell us what Bob Dylan reveals to your writer’s soul. xoxo
As someone who is “all in” on BNL, I think you understand me. Maybe we’re kindred spirits. You with BNL, me with REM. And, now this Dylan thing. Never expected that, but it has definitely forced my brain to wake up. Dylan was a different Dylan with every album. I think I’m about to start my next “album” my next new me. I think a trip to the ER (and my first ride in an ambulance — fun!) was my reminder that life is short and sometimes you have to unload some of the stress. Baseball has always been my refuge. And, it feels so nice to be back home here on the blog … even if it’s taking a while to get my motor running. Thank you for staying in my orbit — some day I have this belief our paths will cross in person and we will discover we are long-lost sisters. :)
Guess who’s back, back again.
Bloggess’s back, tell a friend….
I hear ya on the lack of writing. I loved back to FL 2.5 years ago, and there went my blog. :-( Only a handful of parks down here, and have already written about a few of them.
Hi Greg … thank you for stopping by! I hope all is well in Tampa and that you stay hurricane-free this season. Those poor Rays, playing outdoors in that sweaty-hot Steinbrenner park. Oriole’s broadcaster Kevin Brown calls it “The Stein.” Who would have thought we’d have 2 MLB teams playing in minor league parks for … well, who knows how long?