The Super-est Bowl-Free Sunday Of All

It’s been a few years since I began my football boycott.

I can’t remember which Super Bowl was my last.

I don’t remember much about the games I did watch. I remember halftimes though.

Fun Fact: The University of Arizona and Grambling State University Marching Bands were the halftime performers at the first Super Bowl in 1967. The highlight? Their performance of “The Liberty Bell” which all of you know better as this …

 

And, who can forget Up With People in 1982?

Or, Mickey Rooney in 1987?

I know I was boycotting by the time Madonna did the halftime show in 2012.

I began my lonely football boycott because, well, because I don’t support traumatic brain injuries. I think traumatic brain injuries, Grade Three concussions, and permanent brain damage are bad things. The National Football League does not. We agree to disagree on this, but I am right.

So, I don’t watch. (Neither does Editor/Husband, because he is supportive like that, and because he, too, recognizes that a sport that not only allows, but encourages, traumatic brain injuries is a bad sport.)

If you need a reminder, here’s my list of 50 reasons why you shouldn’t watch football.

It’s been pretty lonely up here on my NFL boycott soapbox.

Until.

Until NFL quarterback Colin Kaepernick chose to “take a knee” rather than stand for the National Anthem – his nonviolent protest against racial discrimination in our country.

Embed from Getty Images

 

Some people, apparently unbothered by Grade Three concussions, took offense to Kaepernick’s protest and started their own football boycott.

And by “some people,” I mean some, but not all, white people (and, I may be wrong, but I’m assuming those “some people” boycotting also include the two families on my little gravel farm road who fly the Confederate flag in their yards).

I’m being elbowed on my boycott podium by people who are boycotting for an entirely different reason.

While I hate to get all political on here, I do want to make clear my boycottish intention.

I boycott brain injuries in football.  I do not boycott a person’s right to nonviolently protest an issue that affects them personally and deeply.

Not only do I not boycott that, I applaud it.

“There is nothing wrong with kneeling down to stand up against injustice. It’s protected by the Constitution.” — Civil rights leader and current U.S. Rep. John Lewis (D-GA)

And, as one lifelong conservative Republican wrote in 1972:

“I cannot stand and sing the anthem, I cannot salute the flag; I know that I am a black man in a white world.”

It was this lifelong, conservative Republican.

Library of Congress, Prints & Photographs Division, #LC-L9-54-3566-O

So, Jackie Robinson has weighed in, too.

There.  Politicalizing over.

Let’s get back to not-footballing.

Can I make your football-less Sunday Super anyway? Of course I can.

Eat Better Than A Football Fan

Minneapolis is going to roll out some local specialties at the Super Bowl, including, and I am not making this up, Walleye Chowder, which kind of made my stomach turn a little just typing that. Are people actually lining up to eat walleye chowder, described by one reporter as “very Minnesota,” at a football game?

“Very Minnesota”

I’ve had walleye. Let’s stick with true game food.

There’s going to be massive amounts of nachos put away on Sunday. (The Avocado Board – which is a thing – estimates that Super Bowl watchers ate nearly 105 million pounds of guacamole during last year’s game. Well, at least people got some healthy fats.)

Forget the walleye. Let’s do nachos and raise the bar. Let’s make our nachos with waffle fries! This is like pouring amazing on top of awesome. Seriously, someone thought of this and the world is better for it.

It’s a pretty simple concept, make your nachos using waffle fries instead of tortilla chips. But, if you need it, here’s the recipe: Waffle Fry Nachos.

(Dear fellow vegetarians, cook your fake bacon in a separate skillet and crumble it over the top when your skillet of increda-nachos comes out of the oven.)

Don’t forget the guac!

Have A Better Halftime

I know this is tough, but boycotting means no Justin Timberlake halftime either. And, I’m sorry about that, because JT is a far sight better than Mickey Rooney.

Embed from Getty Images

Hi, JT. Gonna miss you.

Timberlake’s new song sounds a lot like Prince. So let’s just cut out the middle man.

Watch Prince, Tom Petty, Dhani Harrison, and others perform “While My Guitar Gently Weeps” as they celebrate the life of George Harrison at the 2004 Rock & Roll Hall of Fame induction. Prince’s crazy-beautiful guitar solo is magic.

 

Save Some Dough, Give Some Dough

Seat Geek has tickets available for Sunday’s game in Minneapolis. (I was relieved to learn that the game is played indoors, because the forecast high there on Sunday is 7 degrees.) The cheapest ticket I could find was up in the nosebleeds behind the goal posts. That ticket will set someone – but hopefully not you – back $3,700.

Since I’ve talked you out of the Super Bowl, I’ve saved you $3,700.

You’re welcome.

You know, you could have gone to THREE of the Houston Astros – Los Angeles Dodgers World Series games last fall with that, AND had plenty left over for beer, snacks, and an adorable World Series hoodie.

$39.99. Adorable George Springer not included.

(While $3,700 is a lot of dough, it is still not enough to buy one single, lousy Bitcoin, which isn’t even an actual coin, but is an imaginary coin that will set you back $8,700 at today’s prices.)

Super Bowl food’s not cheap either. A loaded burger, with a side of tater tots, will go for more than $20 in Minneapolis. And, I can’t even tell you what their “loaded” burger is loaded with. Crickets? Fruity Pebbles? Scrambled tofu? I have no idea. Maybe it’s loaded with walleye chowder.

Your local food bank can take that $20 and stretch it into several nutritious meals for a family of four – meals that include proteins, fresh and canned vegetables and fruits, breads, and other staples. Seriously, food banks do incredible things with just a few dollars. Let’s help them out.

You can find your local food bank here.

Count Down

And, finally, there’s one more thing you can do that will make your non-football Super Sunday the Super-est of all.

The game is this Sunday. You know what that day, February 4, also marks?

Put down your plate of Waffle Fry Nachos and hold up your hands.

And, now, count down with me. (You may use your fingers if you like.)

8

7

6

5

4

3

2

1

Days until pitchers and catchers report.

 

This is not the fanciest or most exciting  8-second countdown clock you will find on the internet. But it IS the best. Because someone got  from 8 to 3, only to realize they had no video for 2 and 1. Undeterred, they handmade their own. If that’s not Super, I don’t know what is.

Now get out there and not watch some football!

20 thoughts on “The Super-est Bowl-Free Sunday Of All

  1. You’re right. That’s one awesome countdown.

    Actually, you’re right about everything in this post.

    Except for the Justin Timberlake business. What that halftime show needs is for Janet Jackson to parachute in and rip JT’s pants off mid-song. Take *that* wardrobe malfunction, NFL gender-biased ad executives!

    • Exactly! Janet took the rap for *that* … and Justin came off as a poor innocent kid who didn’t know any better. (Although I’m still not sure why it was all such a deal anyway.) I like your plan for Janet … and while I still won’t watch halftime — a boycott is a boycott, after all — if Janet shows up, I’ll definitely pull up the YouTube on Monday. After all, I said it was my “boy”cott, not my “girl”cott.

    • I love my rock & roll as much as anyone — Tom Petty Halftime ’08, awesome! But, still, what’s better than a college marching band marching into some weird design and formation? It must be a miserable halftime for the people at the game that can’t really see the full thing, but if you’re watching on TV it’s awesome! I have a soft spot for marching bands — and Randy and I were just wondering the other night: what do college marching bands do after their team’s six home games are over? A few home games? Is that all there is to a marching band?

  2. Like you I can’t remember when I realized that football is just too cringeworthy (is that a word?) to watch. Don’t miss it at all. Am happy to say that none of my nephews got into it either. Spring training can’t get here too soon.

  3. I’ve always found Super Bowl Sunday to be a great time to go to a restaurant that it is usually hard to get a reservation for. Maybe if Colin Kaepernick was playing I’d watch.

  4. Pingback: Super Bowl L — 50 Reasons Not To Watch | The Baseball Bloggess

  5. Um no thanks on the fish soup…I figure those that live on the fringes of the country know how to do fish..personally no thanks. Not even a fish stick. A bit early for those of us in the mountain region for dinner, but groc shopping is a breeze, not so much the other shopping!
    Doing the baseball countdown with you!

    • Well, I’m a vegetarian so I’m not the best source of info on fish, but I do remember some awfully good walleye and perch that came out of North Dakota lakes. (Catch the perch at 6 a.m., have it for breakfast at 6:30 a.m. It was pretty yummy.) Still, chowder is best left to New Englanders who know what they’re doing. As for me, I’ll stick with the waffle fry nachos … made with fake bacon, of course! :)

      I actually never thought to go to dinner or a movie or shopping during the Super Bowl, but several people have mentioned it to me in the last day. What a great idea!

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  7. Giving up the Super Bore is a little like giving up asparagus for me…I hate it anyway! Mommie Dearest used to make me sit there til I ate it, by which time it was ice cold and even more awful than it started out to be–again, much like footbore!

    I prefer to call the NFL “Corporate Rollerball”, complete with brains dashed out during play. You watch, they’ll eventually include setting trees on fire as a concourse diversion.

    I admit, I dabbled with footbore as a teen. Those were the wild times, the anything-goes early 70’s when people liked the group Bread and wore bell bottom jeans. No matter how unworthy or preposterous, we tried it. However, as a lifelong lover of baseball, I got very very very tired of know-it-alls proclaiming that baseball is boring and football is the best sport. These cretins are invariably male, and are the same ones who give you blank look when you groan and mention the Bechdel test as they are tuning in yet another dick flick filled with explosions and heroes with can openers for hands.

    NFL footbore has replaced religion as the opiate of the masses, a corporate entity designed to sell next generation Chevy trucks and alcoholic beverages that will not, despite the ads, make anyone’s life more interesting unless throwing up and being incarcerated count.

    I’m a killjoy at times, it’s true, but so are you, denying us the adorable Springer. Witch. ;-)

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