The Orioles, Mayflies, And Milk

Congratulations, Baltimore Orioles! You lost another game last night. But, if you’re going to lose, at least you did it in historic fashion.

Orioles starting pitcher Dylan Bundy couldn’t record a single out in the first and so was pulled, but not before giving up four home runs to the Kansas City Royals. Apparently, no starting pitcher has given up four home runs before recording an out.

Embed from Getty Images


If you’re going to be bad, be historically bad.

Well done, Orioles!

Oh, and the Reds won last night, so the Orioles are back to the being the worst team in baseball.

On April 29, the Baltimore Orioles won their last game, defeating the Detroit Tigers 5-3 at Camden Yards.

It was an unseasonably cool Sunday in Baltimore, the high just 56.

Somewhere in America, on that exact same day, in a clean stream of water, a mayfly was born. (The water must be clear and clean, mayflies hate polluted water.)

By Richard Bartz, via Creative Commons

This is not that mayfly, but it is a mayfly.

Today, 10 days after the last Orioles win, that mayfly born that morning in April is long gone. But, this morning her great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandson was born, somewhere in America in a clean stream of water.

Ten generations of mayflies have passed since the Orioles last win.

How many more?


If you bought a carton of milk on April 29, it has now expired. Please throw it out.

I will keep wasting people’s time with meaningless trivia every day until the Orioles win again. Who wants that? No one.

Dear Baltimore Orioles,

 Can you win one? Just one? That’s all I’m asking. 

 Your Frustrated Friend, The Baseball Bloggess 


12 thoughts on “The Orioles, Mayflies, And Milk

  1. Ugh. Feeling your pain. Though it usually didn’t occur til next month with the Cubs infamous and formerly perennial June Swoon. Hang in there girlfriend.

  2. I want to feel bad for you on this one. I really do. But the Royals have been so dang awful themselves this season, I just can’t help but feel relief that there’s at least *something* they are doing right.

  3. Yikes! Four home runs before the first out? My stomach kinda hurts for that guy. And for you all. Fingers remain crossed for a W, not that I don’t enjoy your daily updates! :-)

  4. Oh dear. The Royals are not even a HR hitting ballclub. Somewhere, Paul Foytack is smiling, because now someone has been worse than he was the day he gave up four consecutive HR. Although Paul played mostly for the Tigers during my formula-and-crib years on into the two-wheel bike era, he performed his crime against baseball while wearing Angels flannels and putting the finishing touches on his unconditional release. Posterity has not handed down any statement of his regarding mayflies.

    It’s fitting, somehow, that my Tigers were the last to fall to the Birds. I would pay money to see a foot race between Boog Powell and Victor Martinez. That’s assuming the Booger is still kicking and selling snacks in Balmer. I hope that he is–I always liked him.

    Now that I have two (count ’em!) people in my orbit who follow the Orioles (plus Joan Jett), I tend to notice their scores on the crawler beneath each Tigers game. The score was 15-1 all night, but I see they scored several protest runs. Good for them. Maybe Paul Foytack is still available. Your team and my team can engage in a bidding war for his services. ~sigh~

    • Don’t forget Seinfeld-ian Orioles fan Elaine Benes!

      The 76-year-old Boog is still around, and doing his BBQ thing at Camden Yards, and not to be confused with the other Boog Powell who is 25 years old and plays for the A’s.

      Paul Foytack is 87. As he’s still living, I’d put him out on the mound, sure, why not?

  5. You need to become the GM, director of player personnel, the owner… something. This column should be in every Baltimore area newspaper and restaurant bulletins. During a recent Twins losing streak, a Facebook friend posted photos of a burning dumpster and the Hindenburg.

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