Would It Make You Feel Any Better …

On August 14, 2019, after their 82nd loss of the season, the Baltimore Orioles were officially eliminated from the postseason.

On the plus side, with the World Series now off my “to-do” list, I’m available throughout October for lunch at the restaurant of your choice. (Your treat, right?)

Dear Baltimore Orioles,

Nothing. I got nothing.

Your Weary Friend, The Baseball Bloggess

Bitmoji Image

Wait. Let me try again.

Dear Baltimore Orioles,

Me again.

Would it make you feel any better if I told you I was sorry?

I’m sorry that you’re so stinky. What if I reminded you that we all have stinky days and that, yes, your stinkiness is more than a day or two old, or two months, or two seasons, but still. I’m sorry you’re stinky. Really I am. Because your stinkiness gets under my skin and then, de facto, I am stinky, too. Stink is not a good smell on anyone.

Would it make you feel any better if I told you I was cheering for you anyway?

Stinkiness be damned, I still cheer for you. There are moments, when the game slips out of reach, that I do the math in my head and think, “It would only take one grand slam and we’d be right back in this thing.”

“Two. Two grand slams.”

Sometimes it would take more than that.

But, I do the math, even though I hate math. I do it for you anyway, and, I think, “It could happen. You guys could win this game.”

Because, sometimes, after blowing a save, you do this in the bottom of the ninth …

¡Un Bombazo!

Sometimes. Well, not exactly “sometimes.” Just that one time. It’s the middle of August and that was your first walk-off win of the season.


But still. I always believe you can come back and win every game.

No one else might believe in you.

Not even Golf Digest.  (Golf is stupid.)

But, I do. That’s something, isn’t it?

Would it make you feel any better if I told you I don’t want you to leave?

Those damned “they’re leaving Baltimore” rumors are rumbling around again, like the smelly trash truck that wakes you up at 5 a.m. when they intentionally bang the trash cans and wear you down with that insufferable back-up beeping.

Beep. Beep. Beep.


This is one hour of a truck back-up beeping. One hour. I share this not because it is further proof that everything is on the Internet, but because 161,148 people have listened to the entire hour.

Who are these people? Who would listen to one hour of a truck back-up beeping? You? Was it you? It wasn’t me.

I’m not going to listen to one hour of a truck beeping. What kind of fool would do that?

On the other hand I did watch this game …


Start to finish.

Because, it would have only taken five grand slams (plus two additional home runs) to win that game, and I thought, if that’s going to happen, by golly, I’m going to watch it.

Anyway, people are muttering again that the Orioles might be moving. Attendance at games is down and well there’s that stinkiness factor, and all of a sudden rumors pop up that Nashville would be an awfully good place for an awfully bad team.

I’m not going to belabor this point, my darling recently-eliminated-from-the-postseason Orioles, but don’t. Don’t leave Baltimore. I’m not sure my “I will follow you anywhere” heart can extend to a team that abandons its home.

I know, I know, you were once the St. Louis Browns. But, Baltimore is your home now.

I was once in California and my heart belonged to another.  But, Baltimore is my heart now.

So, don’t go. We were meant to be together.

I’ve been through a lot with you. All Baltimore fans have been through a lot with you. You sort of owe us.

Don’t make me look at the Nationals and think … Well … they are nearby …

Because I can’t.

I can only root for you.

No matter how stinky you are.

Your Friend Who Is Really Sorry You Won’t Be Going To The Postseason, But Is Really Excited To See If Someone Will Treat Her To Lunch In October, The Baseball Bloggess

P.S. The Baltimore Sun said this today …

Unpack those bags, my horrible, terrible, awful – but still weirdly loveable – Orioles … you’re staying in Birdland!

22 thoughts on “Would It Make You Feel Any Better …

  1. I was thinking of you when the Orioles won three out of four from my wife’s Angels. I don’t know if it’s worse to root for a team that has no chance from the outset or to root for one that tempts you into thinking maybe they can make the postseason and then fails miserably. By the way, my Reds lost yesterday 17-7 (just 2 grand slams and a 2-run shot away from winning).

  2. Hanging with you with our Rockies season. Has been terrible. When you somehow get thru a blowout with the thought, well they have got to be wiped out , so tomorrow it’s our turn to score and win. And then…denied again. You next think, can we get 1 win this week, or maybe 1 on the road trip…
    Mookie chose right, nothing for Colorado this year. Basement dwellers again.

    • It’s much easier, I think, for Orioles fans — who’ve just spent the season wondering exactly how bad “bad” will be. No one thought the O’s would be any good. That the Tigers are actually worse than the Orioles at this point in the season is actually a weird surprise. Seriously? How can you be worse than the Orioles?

  3. I would be happy to treat you to lunch in October, but you have to drive.😎. Please tell me that the O’s at least can’t lose more than 100 games this season.

    • Oh, Gloria, Gloria, Gloria. Not only CAN the Orioles lose more than 100 games, they most assuredly will. They’ve already lost 83 games with 40 to go. That would put them on a 110-loss season pace, but, to be honest, I don’t think anyone would be surprised if they lost all 40 of their next games, ending the season 39-123.

      No one said this rebuild was going to be easy.

  4. Jackie

    Your blog is such a joy to read! I’m really sorry for you regarding the Orioles but things will change some day! Meanwhile, keep rooting for our ‘Hoos!

    • Nancy! How are you? :)

      Most of the Hoo’s had great summer league seasons. I’m very excited about the team (and can’t wait for the Fall Ball season to begin!). Plus, a few players from the 2015 NCAA champion team are now making appearances in the majors (Matt Thaiss with the Angels, Adam Hasesly with the Phillies). It’s fun to watch them grow up! :)

  5. Okay , I’m not going to gloat because I’m a Yankees fan. I’m saddened at what has happened to the Orioles . This is one gal who loves Baltimore and who has fallen in love with the city since I saw my first Yankees and Orioles game in 2012. The ball park is and always will be one of my favorite places to be . I remember those games when Machado, Jones and even Chris Davis would hammer my Yankees with home runs and seeing great plays by my favorite Orioles players , JJ Hardy and Nick Markaikis. Buck Showalter will always be my favorite manager, not just because he used to be our manager , but because he’s a decent guy. It’s ashame that the Orioles organization doesn’t seem to want to pay players to stay there . It’s a beautiful park and the fans deserve better.

    • Well, I know that the Orioles can’t pay Yankees’ wages, but this rebuild seems to be a carefully planned process. I read “Astroball” … about how the Astros were torn down and rebuilt into a World Series champion team. I think that’s the plan for the Orioles — if only because Baltimore spent a fair amount of $$ to lure the brains behind the Astros rebuild — including the O’s new GM and analytics team — to Baltimore. So, while these are dark days … it’s actually quite interesting to watch. In just a few months the Orioles went from having one of the worst minor league/farm systems to the 8th best. If you’re going to rebuild your house, you have to start at the foundation … so that seems to be the plan. As long as they’re not moving — and The Sun assures us they’re not — I’ll be patient with the plan! :)

  6. If we lived closer, I’d be happy to buy you lunch any day, and not only because your playoff bid ended soooooooo prematurely. Keep the faith! Not that you need reminding because I know you’re their biggest fan. Nats? Never!

  7. I’m with you! Happy to treat for lunch if we can get together sometime!



    “Never be afraid to raise your voice for honesty and truth and compassion against injustice and lying and greed.” William Faulkner (1897-1962)


  8. Pingback: Hopeless | Koi Scribblings

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