Baseball’s Beautiful. But, The Off-Season Stinks.

Posted on December 22, 2013 by Jackie, The Baseball Bloggess

“I love baseball. You know, it doesn’t have to mean anything. It’s just very beautiful to watch.” ~ Leonard Zelig, from the movie Zelig *

When baseball is a game, it is good. It is beautiful.

The grass is green, the sun is warm. Just a game. A beautiful, simple, splendid game.

But, when it’s the off-season, baseball stinks. Players are tucked away and resting up (some are playing golf, some are signing multi-multi-multi-million-dollar deals).

They become a commodity. This one gets traded. This one gets bought. This one is left on the shelf like a sad, dusty bottle of Justin Beiber cologne just hoping someone needs a desperation gift on Christmas Eve.

It sort of makes me uncomfortable when humans are treated like products. (I know, that’s the point of business, right? I’m awful at business.)

The off-season is like a soggy wad of hairball trapped in my throat. (Editor/Husband does not believe that I can know what a hairball feels like, but I’ve seen my cats get all buggy-eyed, rear back, and start to vomit. I’m pretty sure I feel the same way right now.)

I hate the off-season.

The Baltimore Orioles traded away Jim Johnson, their closer, to Oakland, even though I specifically asked them not to.

photo by me, 8/25/13

Bye, Jim.

I’m a big Jim Johnson fan. I’m a fan of bullpens and relievers in general. I’m still pretty steamed over this.

(And, yes, I’m looking forward to the “I told you so” blog post that I’ll write next season when Jim has a great year in Oakland. And, I hope Oakland will fix its sewage-in-the-dugout thing before Jim gets there. Dear Oakland, he’s used to nicer accommodations.)

The Orioles let their Left Fielder Nate McLouth go to the Washington Nationals.

photo by me, 8/25/13

Bye, Nate.

Yeh, I’m kinda sore about this, too.

But, they got a new left fielder guy. A guy from the Royals. So maybe I’ll write about him next season.

The Orioles then were about to sign a new guy to be their closer.

Yay, it’s Christmas! We have a new closer under our Christmas Tree!

Grant Balfour, oddly enough, was Oakland’s closer last season. We were ready to sign him last week. Then something went wonky during his physical (which often happens when you’re a I-can-see-the-hill-but-I’m-not-quite-over-it 36-year-old pitcher with a shoulder that’s been knitted back together with pins and needles) and the Orioles pulled the deal.

And, then began the kerfuffle.

Let me share the kerfuffle highlights:

Orioles: We are not happy with the results of the physical and we are looking elsewhere.

Balfour: I am healthy.

Orioles: You are not.

Balfour: I am too.

Orioles: Are not.

Balfour: Am too.

This has been going on since Thursday.

I don’t like all the off-season shuffling and wheeling and dealing and trading and moving things around.

When I fell in love with baseball, it was when Cal Ripken was the Orioles’ shortstop. And, every day and every game and every season – year in and year out – he was the Orioles’ shortstop. I like things “just so.” I like my Cal Ripkens to be back every spring.

Sigh.

Now, I have nothing under my baseball Christmas tree.

But, Manny Machado’s knee is healing up. So, that’s a good thing.

“Machado’s Road To Recovery” ESPN, 12/10/13 (click to watch)

Watch Manny’s knee and his rehab here.

And, that’s the news from baseball. I’ve been monitoring the baseball tweet-and-trade machine, so you don’t have to.

Just 53 days ‘til pitchers and catchers report.

* Zelig is a wonderful movie. Woody Allen. 1983. You should watch it. (It has nothing to do with baseball. Really.)

A Therapist Airs Her Dirty Laundry

Posted on November 28, 2013 by Jackie, The Baseball Bloggess

Earlier this week I posted a photo of three days’ worth of dirty massage linens – stacked up into a pile that was taller than the washing machine.

First off, kudos to those clients who recognized their linens from last week! The Lumosity is paying off!

Second off, some of you apparently think that I’m exaggerating (you are wrong) or that I have no intention of actually washing and drying and folding, and washing and drying and folding, all through the Thanksgiving holiday (you are wrong about this, too).

For those who think your massage ends when you slide off the table … a relaxed bowl of melted muscles … I assure you, I’m thinking of you as I do the laundry. Every weekend. And, when pillowcases are in dangerous short supply, often at 5:30 in the morning.

(Yes, some of your linens are warm on the table because they were in the dryer at 6 a.m. that morning. And, I swear to you, if you hustle them into a laundry basket right out of the dryer, they will hold heat for hours.)

If you are one of my massage clients, know that I love you.

That’s why I do the laundry and fluff and fold it … at dawn and on my day off. I don’t mind. Really.

(Folding linens is a much nicer and far more productive task than all those office meetings and “brainstorming” sessions I sat through in an earlier life.)

But, here’s what you may not know.

Those linens? The warm, luxurious flannels? The light cotton ones? The sweet pinky plaids? At some point you indicated that you liked them.

You like being toasty warm during your session? You get my warmest, coziest set and the table warmer is set to “high”. You battle hot flashes and want the cool light blue ones? Check! You like the pink plaid ones, because, because they are so lovable and so pink? Sometimes, I’ll hold them out of the rotation for days just so they are ready for you.

The ever-popular Pink Plaids.

I pick your sheets just for you. It’s crazy, but when I see a set roll out of the dryer, I think of you.

Some of those flannels are wearing thin. Some sets last a season, some have lasted for more than a decade (2003 was an exceptionally good year for ever-soft and resilient Wal-Mart flannels.)

Some sheets have been torn apart by our new “high efficiency” washer.

Tearing my sheets apart is not efficient, stupid Washing Machine.

So, I’ve cobbled together “new” sets with top and bottom sheets that sorta, kinda match. (If you get an unmatched set, I have decided that you are a thoughtful client who will appreciate, and maybe even be amused by, my thriftiness.)

Lately, I’ve told a few clients, “This is it. I’m not buying any more linens. When these fall apart, I’m closing up shop.”

I said it sort of jokingly, but I was surprised by the response.

One of my clients (Pink Plaids) was angry. “That’s a ridiculous thing to say.”

One of my clients (Extra-Soft Medium Blue) was startled. “Really? Really? When? What are you going to do?”

(My response: “Write about baseball.” Which requires going to games, eating popcorn, and heckling umpires. And, where “spin cycle” refers only to my explanations about why Jim Johnson’s series of blown saves last season only shows what a great pitcher he is all the other times. He really is. Please don’t trade him, Baltimore.)

OK, the linen thing was sort of a joke. But, maybe not. It seems as good a barometer as any. (OK, my elbow is probably a better barometer, but watching the linens fray away is more fun.)

A Sad Postscript … Thanksgiving Tragedy for Lime Green Cozy Flannels.

Even using “slow spin”, Inefficient Washing Machine tore the top sheet to shreds today. Shreds.

Stevie surveys the carnage.

A shame. I really liked that Lime Green Flannel set. We had some good times. She never complained and never called in sick. I’ll miss her.

But, as you can see here …

And, here …

I’ve still got a ways to go.

Baseball Free …

Posted on November 27, 2013 by Jackie, The Baseball Bloggess

Things I’ve learned in the past three baseball-less weeks.

Did you know it only takes four seconds to put the toilet paper roll on the hanger in the bathroom? I had forgotten that that’s what that little wall bracket thingy is for. Did you know that you can do that every time you start a new roll?

Now, with no baseball to watch, I suddenly have all sorts of time to do the things that I haven’t done for awhile.

Like catch up on my People magazines.

Have you heard the news? Kim and Kanye are getting married! Ahhh, precious young love. So sweet and pure and true.

(Dear San Francisco Giants, you should be ashamed … whoring out AT&T Park like that. But, don’t worry, Hunter Pence, I still love you.)

“If you wanna be a Hunter’s Hitter, you’re gonna have a lot of movement. Like a hungry man chasing a taco.”

(Really, you must watch this. Now. I’ll wait.)

And, tidy up the workplace.

These linens don’t wash themselves.

(Warning To Future Massage Therapists: This is three days’ worth of laundry. They don’t tell you about this in Massage School, do they? Yeh, happy folding, Sucker.)

And, look what happened while I was watching baseball … the barn is finished!

And, in fairness to Barn Dude, he did finish it before the World Series, just as he promised. (Hey, Barn Dude, are you reading this? I still need a shelf in there!)

Cold, heavy rain all last night. It’s clearly not baseball season anymore. So, I was just about to count the days until Pitchers and Catchers report (78) when this Tweet from Jaye popped up.

I only have a few Twitter followers, and most of them are obscure overseas marketers trying to sell me something – like saris. Apparently, I’m the only Yoga teacher who doesn’t wear a Sari.

(But, I’ll wear a Sari before I’ll ever wear Lululemon.)

Jaye is a blogger, too. And, a really good one … read her, ok?

Her Tweet reminded me that I hadn’t written in awhile. Mainly because what is there to say on a baseball blog when there is no baseball?

The bulk of off-season baseball stories are about players seeking tens of millions of dollars.

(Which is better than stories about players being bullies. So, there is that.)

Or, the Washington Nationals asking the D.C. government to give them $300 million for a retractable roof.

Which leads me to these points.

Point #1. If you can’t play baseball outside, then maybe you shouldn’t be playing baseball. (Florida and Arizona, you have Spring Training … ALL the teams are there every spring. And, you have the Fall League! Isn’t that enough for you?) And, Houston Astros, if the Texas Rangers can play outside, why can’t you? (And, Toronto, Seattle, Milwaukee? Oh, never mind …)

Point #2. Really, Nationals? A retractable roof is going to put you in the playoffs? Why not spend $300 million on Robinson Cano? Or, two Carlos Beltrans?

Editor/Husband says that $300 million for a retractable roof seems reasonable to him. (This conversation really happened: Me: “Hey, you can have 30 Jim Johnsons for that.” He: “If only he were retractable.” “I don’t know what that means.” “I don’t either.”)

Point #3. The Mayor laughed at the Nats’ request. Laughed. And, someone in his office said the roof would be “butt ugly.” So, uh, I guess that means no roof?

Point #4. Editor/Husband says my stubbornness about indoor baseball is similar to the outcry over lights at baseball parks and the first night games. The first major league night game was in 1935. (He remembers this? Editor/Husband is much older than I thought.)

Lights. Clouds. Sky.

Things I’m thankful for this Thanksgiving? Just 78 days ’til Pitchers & Catchers report. Happy Thanksgiving!

Black & White Chronicles: Lou

Posted on October 27, 2013 by Jackie, The Baseball Bloggess

In talking about his art, Lou Reed said:

“You do this because you like it, you think what you’re making is beautiful. And, if you think it’s beautiful, maybe they think it’s beautiful.”

Lou Reed died today. He made beautiful music. Like this …

And, this. Oh, and this, too … which is magnificent:

“So, that’s the way, technically, it goes.”

Can I squeeze in some Lou Reed on baseball? Of course, I can. In 1995, he said:

“[I]if there was probably a childhood trauma that I had other than the Dodgers leaving Brooklyn, which, if you think about it, is a reason why some of us are imbued with a cynicism that we never recovered from. Obviously you’re not a Mets fan, and you can’t possibly be a Yankees fan, so baseball’s eliminated from your life because of being born in Brooklyn.”

Interviewer: “You cared about the Dodgers as a kid?”

“Very much. I don’t know why. I don’t like baseball. Of course, maybe I don’t like baseball because the Dodgers aren’t here anymore.”

UPDATE: And, I hope you’ll take just one moment to click here for the warm and loving tribute from Lou’s wife, Laurie Anderson (a wonderful artist, too), that appeared in their local newspaper.

Black & White Chronicles: The Catcher

Posted on October 23, 2013 by Jackie, The Baseball Bloggess

Blogging is a young person’s game. Either that, or I’m blaming yesterday’s migraine.

In any event, the point of yesterday’s Black & White Chronicles post was to highlight a couple of photos taken from behind the net at Davenport Field (home of the University of Virginia baseball team).

So, imagine my surprise, to see that my favorite behind-the-net photo hadn’t posted. Wasn’t even in the post that it had inspired.

Oops. Let’s try again …

Here’s the catcher.

Matt Thaiss. He’s a freshman. He was drafted by the Red Sox this spring, but came to UVa instead. He’s very good.

He can hit. He can run (especially well for a guy who squats down for most of the game). He can throw out base-stealers and bunters.

And, I just like this photo and was annoyed it didn’t post yesterday. So, Catcher gets his own post.

Sunday, October 20, 2013. Davenport Field, University of Virginia. Intrasquad Game.

More Black & White From Davenport Field

Black & White Chronicles: Fall Ball

Black & White Chronicles: Timeless

Black & White Chronicles: Fall Ball

Posted on October 22, 2013 by Jackie, The Baseball Bloggess

If I have my choice at a baseball game, I’ll sit as far away from the protective netting as possible.

I would love to catch a ball – fair or foul – to show off to my friends like a deer head stuck up on a wall or the ribbon you get at the fair when your pumpkin tops 200 pounds.

But, it won’t happen. Because, when I see a baseball whizzing toward me (and by “toward”, I mean anywhere, really, within eight or nine sections), I duck.

I will never reach out and grab a ball out of the sky. I will never steal the ball from an outfielder’s glove. And, by golly, Red Sox Fan Out There In The Bleachers, I will never-never-ever wrest a ball away from another fan and throw it back on the field.

I will duck.

So, I appreciate that someone has invented this net to protect me from a good head-wallop. But, given the choice, I’ll take my chances. Because the net gets in my way – just one more barrier between me and the field.

These past few weeks, the University of Virginia has had a fall baseball season – intrasquad games mostly. The games were quite good. But, they closed off the bleachers, because it was chilly and the fans were sparce, and they sat us all in the “good seats”.

Behind that damned netting.

So, all I could do was make the net a part of the photos. More and more over the past several games, I’ve been shooting in black and white. And, I kind of like it.

How better to illustrate a history-rich, simple game? How better to show how baseball is, at its essence, black and white – you pitch, you hit, you run, you throw, you score?

How better to celebrate the true heart of the game than by stripping away all the extraneous noise?

All that’s left is black and white.

September 22, October 6, and October 20, 2013. Davenport Field, University of Virginia. Exhibition & Intrasquad games.

More Black & White From Davenport Field

Black & White Chronicles: Timeless

Black & White Chronicles: The Catcher

Free Baseball: All About The O

Posted on October 18, 2013 by Jackie, The Baseball Bloggess

I know, I know, there’s still a bit of baseball left … a World Series (yawn). With some teams … playing somewhere. Oh, I don’t know.

I guess I’ll watch. But, secretly, I’ll be counting down the days until Opening Day 2014.

163.

But, before we close the book on 2013, here are some extra innings to honor my sweet Baltimore Orioles and their second consecutive winning season.

(Hey, did you know that the Orioles broke a major league record this year, by committing the fewest errors – 54 – ever in a single season? I just love a tough and graceful defense!)

Free Baseball: All About the O(rioles): Offense, Defense, Pitching & Pumpkins!

10th Inning: “Crush” Davis, Home Run King.

Orioles First Baseman Chris Davis hit 53 home runs this season. The most anyone hit this year and an Orioles’ record.

Wanna see the first 50? Of course you do. And, it will only take a minute.

Click here.

(Chris Davis also led all of baseball with 138 runs batted in and tied for third in the American League with 42 doubles. And, in the field he led baseball with 153 double plays turned.)

11th Inning: Hakuna Machado!

The Orioles’ Manny Machado makes beautiful baseball over on third.

Magical.

Manny is one of the best defensive players in the game today. Gold Glove worthy. (Oh, and he led the AL with 51 doubles, too.)

“Hakuna Machado” – a takeoff on The Lion King song – is a Birdland cheer for Manny. Here’s a great song and video some folks over at MLB.com put together for Manny this season.

Just 90 seconds. Plus, Orioles’ reliever Tommy Hunter sings. Worth it just for that.

Click here.

(Manny had surgery on his knee earlier this week. He’ll be on the mend for six months or so. May Hakuna Magic heal Manny up and bring him back to Birdland in the Spring!)

12th Inning: Jim Palmer, Pitcher. Jim Palmer, Pitchman.

Jim Palmer is not only the greatest pitcher in Orioles’ history … he is one of the greatest pitchers. Period. (Please do not argue with me. This is neither the time nor the place.)

Here are some career numbers over Palmer’s 19 seasons (1965-1984):

20-Game Winner: 8 Times

Cy Young Awards: 3

Gold Gloves: 4

Win Percentage: .638

Win Percentage in Post-Season Games: .727

Grand Slams hit off of him: 0

Today, Jim Palmer does color for Orioles’ television broadcasts. He’s quite good – interesting, informative, entertaining, without being arrogant or a windbag. (Although he will happily remind you about that grand slam stat from time to time.)

He taught me one of the most important rules of baseball: “Never be the first or third out at third.”

In addition to pitching, Jim Palmer sold a lot of Brylcreem and Jockey shorts back in the day. A few of his commercials were gathered by the cool blog “30-Year Old Cardboard” to recognize Palmer’s 68th birthday earlier this week. Click here.

13th Inning: Pumpkins!

One of the most popular posts on this blog is from last October when I wrote about the Oriole pumpkin I carved. The pumpkin is pretty miserable (in a “you let a 3-year-old hold a knife and slash up your pumpkin?” sort of way) and the photo is blurry (“and he took the photo, too?”).

This blurry photo is from October 2011. To give the Baltimore Orioles' bird something to do in October, I attempted to carve my very first pumpkin. If the Orioles go into the post-season this year, I will carve a much finer bird. Oscar the cat, by the way, is 20. He was 5 when the Orioles last made it into the post-season.

Oriole Pumpkin. Oscar.

It was a sloppy Oriole pumpkin honoring a team that, in 2011, was pretty sloppy, too – they lost nearly 100 games. In all of baseball, only Seattle, Minnesota, and Houston played worse.

But, the photo includes Oscar – who lived to be nearly 20 and was a mighty good cat. He always smelled like sunshine. He’s gone now, but I always smile when I see this picture.

For the post, Oriole pumpkin stencils, and all things pumpkiny, click here.

(Psst! Giants fans, I’ve got you covered, too … click here.)

Turn Down The Volume

Posted on October 15, 2013 by Jackie, The Baseball Bloggess

University of Virginia, October 6, 2013

“Turn down the volume on your day.”

That’s how I start most of my Yoga classes when I teach.

It’s pretty much impossible in our world to turn everything off completely – even for an hour. But, turning down the volume a little, well, that’s a start. If only for that one hour of Yoga.

Turning down the volume is the Yogic path of Pratyahara.

To be Fancy Pants about it, the deal of Pratyahara is this – withdraw the senses inward. Close your eyes and look inside. Close your ears and listen to your breath. Close your touch and just feel the air on your skin.

Just find the quiet inside.

Clearing out the clutter in your brain for a few minutes each day can be as rewarding as cleaning all that forgotten junk out of your garage. (Some of the gunk in your brain can be covered with dust, grease, and mouse nests, too.)

That’s why I love this photo I took.

Hanging out at the batting cage, little kid in the center up there, shows his Pratyahara.

Hey, if the crack of the bat gets too loud, just cover your ears.

The batter in the cage is probably swinging away in his “zone”, oblivious to the rest of us, which is simply his Yoga and Pratyahara without all the Sanskrit.

(And, you thought I would never post about Yoga again!)

Timeless.

Posted on October 11, 2013 by Jackie, The Baseball Bloggess

Davenport Field, University of Virginia. October 6, 2013. photo: Jackie Howell

“Time doesn’t seem to pass here: it just is.” ~ J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring

Some things don’t change much over time.

Trees. Mountains. Crossword Puzzles. Whether 2013 or 1913. You can count on them to not change a whole lot.

(Happy 100th birthday crossword puzzles!)

Right fielders, as you can see, don’t change a whole lot either.

And, that’s just one reason why baseball can resonate so richly and deeply. It’s the same game you remember as a child. It’s pretty much the same game your father remembers. And, your great-grandfather. (And, great-grandmother, thank you very much.)

This photograph would have been a throwaway. Except I took it in black and white, because, I don’t know, I was just messing around.

And, Tony Butler, a University of Virginia freshman, became timeless.

Sunday, October 6, 2013. Davenport Field, University of Virginia. Intrasquad game.

Jamie the Yankees Fan.

Posted on October 5, 2013 by Jackie, The Baseball Bloggess

Most animals find numbers and basic math uninteresting (Cat: “Who sent you here? Go away.”) or irrelevant (Dog: “I either had one treat or 50 treats out of the bag there on the floor, it’s hard to say for sure. I have to go barf on your shoes now.”)

But, not baseball fans. We love numbers and statistics. Wins, losses, batting averages are just a start. ERA. RBI. WAR, WHIP, WPA. Yeh, I know, it’s annoying.

Chris Davis’ batting average when wearing an orange jersey? .407 (through June anyway)

A Word Press editor recently suggested that bloggers check their page view numbers no more than once a week.

How can I twist my page views into obscure, meaningless statistics about my self-worth and popularity, if you won’t even let me look at them?

I check my statistics daily. Sometimes every couple hours. (I just checked them.) I don’t want to miss a single page view.

Hey look, it’s you and me!

So, it didn’t get past me when my “Followers/Subscribers” number hit 999 earlier this week.

If you blog, you know how sketchy this number is.

Barry Bonds hit 762 home runs in his career. I have 999 followers.

(Here’s a stat: I have more followers than Barry Bonds has home runs.)

But, both numbers are juiced. Barry Bonds used steroids. I get followed mostly by spammers and a baffling number of non-English speakers. Welcome, “callgirlsdubai”!

But, still … a milestone IS a milestone, even if it is meaningless.

So, I put out the word to my friends – follow my blog and help me reach 1,000. And, almost immediately Jamie did.

I love Jamie. She is wonderful.

She is follower 1,000.

I decided then and there that I would write a blog post in her honor. Here we go.

Jamie has two dogs, two cats, and one husband.

And, here’s what she told me about baseball:

We have a big baseball conflict in our house. I’m a hardcore Yankees girl, and Jaremy lives, eats and breathes the Red Sox. Our compromise is the Nationals.

I have always said that 100 percent (look, more numbers!) of Nationals fans are default “fans”. They’re really fans of other teams, but since they’re near Washington, DC, oh hell, they might as well root for the Nats since they’ve got nothing better to do. Jamie has proven me 100 percent correct. (I told you, she is wonderful.)

Yankees fans.

Red Sox Fan. Tigers fan.

So to honor Jamie, I will write five nice things about her Yankees. (If you’ve come looking for my post on Yankees jokes … please click here.)

OK, sigh, here we go.*

Five nice things about the Yankees

Babe Ruth. Public Domain Image

Babe Ruth.

He was born in Baltimore. Played briefly for an early incarnation of the Orioles … and bestowed one of the very best curses on the Red Sox that you’ll ever see. (Once the Curse of the Bambino ran out – and by god it had a good run – the Red Sox started winning, getting all uppity, and growing facial hair. Still, it’s not too late for the Babe to re-wallop them with another good Bambino-sized curse from the great beyond. Come on, it’ll be fun.)

2) Yogi Berra.

Yogi Berra. Public Domain Image

The Yankees catcher was the inspiration for Yogi Bear. And, who doesn’t love Yogi Bear?

1961, Courtesy of the National Archives ID #286013

I once had a cat named Yogi, who was named after Yogi Bear. He was a darn good cat.

Yogi. Cat.

3) If you follow the family tree, the New York Yankees were originally the Baltimore Orioles.

That New York stole the original Orioles from Baltimore (for a paltry $18,000 in 1903) is not surprising. In 2000, the Yankees stole pitcher Mike Mussina from the Orioles (he cost the Yanks $88.5 million). (I’m still pretty upset about this.)