Welcome To The Club

The Baltimore Orioles were “Sweep … Swept … Swupt” by the Cubs this weekend. They were clobbered. Drubbed. Smooshed. Crushed. Laid to waste.

This morning, the O’s are nine games back in the AL East and tied for last (Good morning, last-mate Blue Jays!). They are seven games under .500.

The Orioles’ starting rotation’s ERA is 6.02 which is nearly the worst in baseball (thank you, Reds starters, whose 6.04 ERA has kept the O’s pitchers out of last place. At least for now).

How will I know it’s over? I’ll know it’s over when the beat writers headline their morning wrap-up “Available Orioles” … when fans hashtag their O’s tweets with #DumpsterFire and #Sell … and when in-the-knowsters like Ken Rosenthal name the teams that, like hungry dogs, are circling the Orioles looking for players.


I wrote a poem for you.

Welcome To The Club

The A’s sold some relievers

As they take their team apart

The Chi Sox Sale’d Quintana

The O’s have lost their heart.


The Blue Jays and the Phillies

The Reds and Giants, too

The season’s just half over

But, it’s off-season now for you.


For those teams who can’t win series

It’s the setting of the sun

Just picking out the prospects

Traded for their number ones.


Baseball in October

That day-dreaming now is done

For all those fans whose teams have slid

Baseball has lost its fun.


The game is not the story

Swept at home, or in a rout

The story’s now of trading

The men who got shut-out.


Have fun Astros and Dodgers

Brewers, Red Sox, and the Nats

While you’re out crushing baseballs

I’ll take pictures of my cats.

Cuz the rest of us are Mudville

“We’ve struck out” is what we sing

So, let’s close our eyes at bedtime

And dream of better things in spring.


38 thoughts on “Welcome To The Club

  1. I am so sorry. I know all too well what last place or nearly, hanging on by the nails seasons go. All you can think is get us thru this fast and without too much pain! Agree the circling wolf’s looking for easy, cheap pickings are cruel. Chin up, next year is coming!

    • “I don’t know; I’ve never kippled!”

      But yeah, I feel your pain. My Mariners have been there, done that far too often. And, while they’re still holding onto .500 with their fingernails, it’s not looking too promising. I have a dreadful feeling I’ll be watching that Pikachu gif for hours on end soon.

      • I looked at the standings and thought, there’s just no room for the Mariners in this poem … there’s a flicker of a hope, right? Kinda? Although what’s worse? Being in in last place, or being in 2nd place, but still 16.5 games back? So, yeh, I guess Welcome To The Club to you, too, Casey … the line to meet Pikachu starts here.

  2. The only good thing about being in the cellar is that it can’t get any worse. That advice stinks, however, when it’s your team in the basement, as I know only too well from my life as a Cubs fan.

    • Nope, nope, nope … you don’t get to cry Cubbie tears any more. All mentions of the Cubs must now be formatted thusly: “The World Champion Chicago Cubs”

      Plus, the Cubs swept the Orioles this weekend, so I’m not even sure we’re on speaking terms right now.

      • Please don’t hold anything the Cubs do against me. That title will belong to some other team before too long. I’m just sorry it won’t pass to your Orioles this year. But then, as Yogi said, it ain’t over till it’s over.

  3. I’m embarrassed at how my daily mood is influenced by the Giants’ position, and how they played the previous day. Almost the first thought I have in the morning, as I stumble toward the coffee, is “They booted another one last night. Crap”, and that kinda sets the tone for the day.
    A rational response would be to stop listening to the games, but there’s, evidently, nothing rational about this. It’s as if, having shared their past triumphs, I must now stick with them as they attempt to find a lower standing then the cellar floor.
    It’s not fair (he whines). I’ve got better, more important things to worry about, like the threatened collapse of American Democracy, but, DAMN it, why does Pence have to swing at anything that’s thrown in his direction? How long can Posey keep carrying the team? Will they trade Belt? Should they? Can Bumgarner save them from utter ignominy? Why the hell do I even care? This is crazy!
    Thank you for listening. I think I feel a little better.

    • “It’s as if, having shared their past triumphs, I must now stick with them as they attempt to find a lower standing then the cellar floor.” That’s what the good and true fans do. We stick through thick and thin. Even though those inevitable thin times can be just awful. And, while the sweet times are fleeting, the lousy times sure can drag on for seasons … and seasons … and seasons. But, we stick. That’s what we do. :)

      • Oh, my God, Ms. Bloggess, please don’t say, “seasons and seasons and seasons…”. The only thing that is preserving what’s left of my mental health is my certainty that this season is an anomaly, a one-off, an inexplicable shift in the space-time continuum, that will never occur again. That’s why we say, “Wait’ll next year”. We have to believe that this year is just the result of some kind of confluence of malevolent variables that can never happen again.
        Otherwise….. Well, it’s best not to think about it.

  4. Great stuff. As a Yankees fan, I actually enjoy watching O’s games no matter their place in the standing because I love Gary Thorne. Even when they are playing New York I will always prefer Thorne to… well … anyone. I miss his NHL days with ESPN.

    Also played on the Orioles in Babe Ruth so always had an affinity for them. It’ll turn around, got some nice young pieces to build on just gotta figure out that starting rotation. Could just be all things that could go wrong went wrong at the same wrong time… meaning the entire first half.

    I don’t know. I haven’t watched a lot of their games in the first half, so you’ll probably tell me it’s a little more hopeless than all that.

    On a more artistic note, I just started a baseball blog. 4,049 followers? That’s unbelievable! Congrats on that. If you have any pointers, I’m all eyes (cause I’ll be reading it, not listening?).


    • Hi Steve, thanks for stopping by! Yes, I’m sad to say, the O’s starting pitching was wobbly to start, so the fast start in April WAS a nice surprise, but it’s not a huge surprise now that the wheels are falling off.

      Congrats on starting a baseball blog, I’ll be sure to stop by. The 4K followers is nice for my ego, but it’s not the most accurate look at my actual readers. WordPress and Blogspot, etc, tend to — for some unknown reason — attract a lot of spam followers. There’s no understandable reason for this, because spammers can’t benefit from following a blog — at least not that I can tell. In any event, my readership is far far (far) fewer than 4K, but as I always say, my readers are awesome and I am happy with quality over quantity.

      • “….spam followers.”

        Ha, thanks for the heads up! Kind of reminds me of what little I know about Twitter. Most people don’t care what you’re posting — they just want your retweets.

        Well, congrats on your QUALITY readership :) You’ve gained one more here.

    • Do you want to share your blog url with the rest of the baseball-blog-loving world out here? I’d love to find another good baseball blog I can follow because I never get tired of reading articles about my favorite sport.

  5. Your baseball fandom is truly impressive Jackie. Especially considering the track record of the O’s during the past 35 years, and the fact that you could have switched allegiances, as I did, when the Nats came to town.

    • Hi John … we had already left DC when the Nats came to town, so I don’t know what I would have done had we still lived there. I’m not sure I would have jumped ship on the O’s, but who knows? In any event, I’ve been with the Orioles this long … I guess I’m stuck with them and maybe some day they’ll reward my patience and support.

  6. Great poem, but baseball is still fun! I just hate that it’s over halfway over (only a month and a half for the minors…). On the day of this post, Feldman gave up five runs in the first inning for the Reds… And the Tigers are having a great yard sale if any more teams are interested.

    • You’re right, Mike! Although now that the Orioles have swept 4 from the Rangers, I’m not sure that they know whether they’re selling now or buying. I just don’t like when all the news is about transactions and trading … and not about the games! I’ve sure enjoyed the local college wooden bat league here this summer. It’s been fun … and there have been a handful of ACC players (though none from your L’ville).

        • How I wish we had a minor league team in our part of the SF East Bay. I would love to just be able to go to a baseball game and enjoy it, without breaking the bank on a ticket, constantly being bombarded with high-volume rock and dumb games, and thinking about who’s about to be traded and who’s going to be on the team next week. You know? Just go out, spend a few bucks to sit on a splintery bench, drink a reasonably priced beer and watch some guys play ball. Been a long time.

          • Would be nice… Not going to happen unless the As leave town, though. San Jose and Sacramento are likely the best we’re going to do as long as there’s a major league team in the East Bay.

            That said, if you can handle the drive, either team will give you a great time. And San Jose’s got some pretty darn good BBQ in their stadium. I wouldn’t bet on finding reasonably priced beer at either park, though. They’ve gotta make their money somewhere!

          • I’m like the magic baseball genie … how about the San Francisco Seagulls of the Golden State Collegiate Baseball League? College Summer Leagues are awesome. The only downside is that their season runs June & July, so you’ll have to pack your scorecard and head out the door to catch them quick before their season ends. (Although the playoffs are coming.)

            The League website: http://www.goldenstatecollegiatebaseballleague.com (Their website recaps are out of date, but the schedule at the top of the page is current.)

            Your local colleges will likely have fall seasons coming up — nothing fancy in the fall, but a great way to watch young players, especially new freshmen, figure things out.

            There’s always a game somewhere … I’m convinced of that! :)

  7. Pingback: The Dangers Of Poetry | The Baseball Bloggess

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