Season’s Greetings from [Insert Team Here]

Posted on December 20, 2015 by Jackie, The Baseball Bloggess

!! UPDATE !! !! UPDATE !! It’s 2018 … and I’ve updated all the latest greetings! You’ll find the update here.

!! UPDATE !! Who said everything on the internet leaves a footprint? Well, maybe everything … except the 2015 holiday greetings of your favorite baseball teams. Since I wrote this back in 2015, the original greetings I review here have been overwritten with the 2016 versions. In some cases this is a very good thing … the A’s card is still pretty lousy, but not as horrible as the disappeared 2015 model. In any event, click the links … they’ll take you to the newest versions. Maybe you’ll see something you like, but not what I was seeing back in ’15. I sure wish I could still show you the 2015 Twins holiday card!

It’s a busy time. I know you have lots going on and certainly no time to watch Major League Baseball teams sharing their annual “season’s greetings” with fans.

You don’t have that kind of time to waste.

I do.

I binge-watched all 27 team “Season’s Greetings” cards. For you. (Happy Holidays!) I’ve sorted out the best and the worst, and one that, like your drunk uncle at Christmas, is uncomfortably weird. I’ve included links to them all.

“But, Bloggess,” you exclaim, “there are 30 teams!” Yes, Virginia, there are 30 teams. But, three of them don’t care about the holidays. Or, you.

Not A Creature Was Stirring, Not Even Mike Trout …

These teams, as of December 20, haven’t bothered to upload a card: Colorado Rockies, Los Angeles Angels, and Philadelphia Phillies. What’s wrong with you people? Too much eggnog at the team Christmas party?

Trust me, once you see the Oakland A’s card, you’ll understand that, really, it’ll only take five seconds to slap some crap together. Even that is better than nothing at all. Or maybe it’s not. I can’t decide.

UPDATE! December 22, 10 a.m. EST: The Rockies and Angels have finally come through with their cards (just click the links above). Not sure they were worth waiting for, but even a mediocre “Happy Holidays” is better than the deafening silence of the Phillies.

UPDATE #2! December 22, 4 p.m. EST: ‘Bout time, Phillies. And, while you’re not the first team with the synchronized light thing (see Braves, Mariners, Padres, below), you still came through for your fans. So, yay!

Highlights, Highlights, Highlights!

Nothing wrong with season highlights from your team. If you’re really lucky, a player might show up to say “Happy Holidays”: Arizona Diamondbacks, Baltimore Orioles, Cleveland Indians, Tampa Rays, Texas Rangers. The best of this genre? The Detroit Tigers who included highlights, player’s greetings, Paws the Tiger, and a reminder that Opening Day is coming soon.

Pittsburgh Pirates: You know how sometimes you can say a word over and over and it starts to sound weird? HappyHolidays-HappyHolidays-HappyHolidays-HappyHolidays to you, too Bucs.

Miami Marlins: And, you know how sometimes someone will say “Happy Holidays,” but they don’t seem very happy about it and you’re pretty sure they don’t mean it?

Kansas City Royals: Type in your name and your Royals card is magically personalized.

Thanks, Royals … and Happy Holidays to YOU!

Royals highlights and players out in the community round out the card. But, just one glimpse of the World Series trophy. It’s almost like they’re embarrassed by all the attention. Hey, Royals, you worked hard for that, you’re allowed to gloat.

The New York Mets understand. Their National League title is nothing to be embarrassed about.

If I did a Top Five list of these cards, the New York Yankees would be #5. But, unfortunately, my “Best Of” list is only four teams long this year. Sorry, Yankees. Still, good job, and, as always, the Yankees find a way to put their old timers to work.

The Lights Are Burning My Brain

Do you have that one guy on your block who starts stringing up lights in September and covers his yard with Santas and penguins and Snoopys and candy canes and that thing from Frozen? And, a few years ago he sync’ed his computer to it and now when he turns on the Trans-Siberian Orchestra everything starts spinning and dancing and jumping around, and it’s so loud and god-awful you decided not to give him the bottle of bourbon you bought for him and instead you sat in your kitchen and drank It yourself while the lights from the “Dancing Elves” on his roof washed over you?

Well, that neighbor of yours works for the Braves. Unless he works for the Padres. Or, Mariners.

What Else Does A Mascot Have To Do In December?

It’s adorable Orbit from the Houston Astros and his “Night Before Christmas” adventure. I got a little teary-eyed watching poor Orbit all by himself trimming the tree in sad, empty Minute Maid Park on Christmas Eve. Then he brings out the Moon Pies.

You can’t go wrong with Orbit and Moon Pies.

The Milwaukee Brewers trotted out Bernie Brewer and all the Racing Sausages for a Christmas carol. But, no sign of Hank the Dog.

hank

Where is Hank the Dog? What have you done with him?

Oh, God, we almost forgot to do a greeting card …

The San Francisco Giants, as always, tossed together a happy montage of happy fans at happy AT&T Park. San Francisco Giants fans are the happiest people on earth, I’m sure of it.

There’s More!

The Boston Red Sox animated a cute pencil drawing of the Green Monster done by a young Red Sox fan.

The Chicago Cubs could have put together an amazing highlight reel, but instead they shared photos of Cubs helping out in the community. If you think I’m going to dog the Cubs for promoting their charitable activities, you are wrong. Good job, Cubbies. But, really, just let Joe Maddon do the card next season.

The Cincinnati Reds think watching a lousy, fast-motion montage of fans speeding through the All-Star Game is good enough. Dear Reds, Not good enough.

The Best, The Worst, & The Weird

These teams took the time, made the effort, and genuinely seemed to care about giving something nice to their fans:

#4. St. Louis Cardinals.

Sure it’s a hipster cartoon of the cartoon Cardinals singing an odd, jazzy, doo-woppy Christmas-ish song that I think they just made up, but it’s still pretty good. Plus, nice use of the word “Yuletide” in the lyrics.

#3. Chicago White Sox.

Stuff a baseball game into an L train and here’s what you’ll get – a train filled with fans, hot dog vendors, the Racing Mascots, The Wave, an umpire, an organist, Cracker Jack, a dusty World Series trophy, and Southpaw, that green fuzzy thing. Even White Sox second baseman Micah Johnson turns up! (Oops, Micah was traded to the Dodgers last week. I guess he was just taking the L to O’Hare.) This is the holiday party you wish your office would throw.

#2. Washington Nationals.

Racing Presidents, National Anthem singers, the famed Gay Men’s Chorus of Washington, violinists from the Heifetz Institute, and a “Hello” from new manager Dusty Baker. Remember when Jonathan Papelbon choked Bryce Harper in the dugout in September? Neither do the Nats. Elegant and classy.

#1. Minnesota Twins.

The Angelica Cantanti Youth Choirs join the Twins in a brand new Twinsian version of the Carol of the Bells. Sure, it’s a little cheesy, but it’s good, too. So good that I’m no longer mad at the Twins for sweeping the Orioles last season.

Blech.

The bottom two …

#26. The Oakland A’s. Thanks for not trying, dudes. That’s why you sucked last season.

I’m serious. This is a highlight.

#27. Toronto Blue Jays.

What could be more festive than Jose Bautista’s snotty bat flip in the ALDS set to a holiday song? Apparently, in Canada, nothing. What do you want for Christmas, Blue Jays? We want to be the jerks everyone hates.

Look, it’s even on a sweater!

And, finally …

The Dodgers: Well, there’s Vin Scully, so it should be great. But, it’s not. It’s claymation-like, four minutes long, and sort of creepy.

Justin (JT) Turner and Adrian Gonzalez are bobble heads with the DTs who are summoned to the North Pole by garden gnome Tommy Lasorda who is being held hostage by elves in Dodgers uniforms, and … I’m not sure why. And, why are Lasorda’s arms up in the air like that? The elves think JT is Santa from the strange, not-good 1970 “Santa Claus Is Coming To Town” cartoon because, uh, because he has a beard, that’s why! So he has to show them a photo of his girlfriend to prove that he’s not. Then all the Dodger bobble heads with DTs sing “Jingle Bells.” Even David Lynch is confused.

Now we know why Greinke left.

The Mendoza Line of Posts

Posted on December 16, 2015 by Jackie, The Baseball Bloggess

This is my 200th post.

It is of interest only because people like milestones and milestones come in round numbers.

Two-hundred blog posts is no big thing. I follow people who have twittered 48,000 times. (As Truman Capote once said, “That’s not writing, that’s typing.”)

For Mario Mendoza, whose lifetime .215 batting average led to calling a woeful .200 or under average “The Mendoza Line,” .200 was just a lousy break, because statistics will tell you that plenty of guys never cracked .200, but Mendoza was the poor shmoo who got singled out. (Thanks, George Brett. I’m blaming you for this.)

For me, 200 posts is a nice milestone and with milestones come the responsibility of writing something worthwhile or memorable … or, really, just something.

There are wonderfully talented people with much to say who can post on their blogs with daily, sometimes twice- and thrice-daily regularity. If you are one of them, please know that I find you admirable, role-model worthy, and, to be honest, a little annoying.

Most of what I write never gets posted. It is too weird, fractured, stupid, unfunny, baffling, or confusing (even to me and I wrote it).

Here are a few scraps that I tinkered with over the years that never became post-worthy. Well-intentioned, sure. But, like Mario Mendoza, not quite good enough to get on base:

“Minnesota Twins: You play outside now. Good for you.” (2012. From an abandoned effort to say one nice thing about every major league team.)

“Do you think a guinea pig is jealous of a rabbit’s ears?” (2013)

“Try throwing a basketball 100 miles per hour.” (2014)

“It has been brought to my attention that my blog is frivolous. This came from someone who is of the belief that Supreme Court rulings are important and baseball is not.” (2013)

“Giraffes have the biggest hearts of all land mammals.” (2015)

“I’m so glad that there is something that Bill Ripken does better than Cal.” (2012, Playoffs. Following Cal’s atrocious time in the broadcast booth.)

“While living in Paris, Hemingway would bring mandarins to his writing garret each day. Eating mandarins as you write will not turn you into Hemingway. Trust me.” (2012)

“Craptastic. That should be a word.” (2013)

“I was hopeful that the Montgomery Biscuits’ mascot would be someone dressed as a warm, buttery biscuit. But, this is not a perfect world. And, baseball, for all its perfection, often disappoints. (2015)

Big Mo. Not a biscuit.

“Dear Gentlemen: One day you will thank the Bloggess for this advice – never suggest to your wife that the smell coming from the hard-to-reach dead mouse under the fridge will go away ‘in a few days.’ Here’s a tip, use a vacuum cleaner and stick the hose right under there and suck that stinker out. Don’t make your wife do it. She will only be annoyed and write about it in an effort to shame you.” (2013)

“Oh my god, I’m getting soft on A-Rod.” (2015, World Series)

“Dear Tampa Bay Rays, Great idea for 2013: make the roof girders light up when balls hit them and turn the entire stadium into a giant pinball machine. Moving girders become flippers, bumpers throughout the outfield, flashing lights, a whirling disco ball, and a “tilt” that will shake the stadium at random times. I’m just trying to help.” (2012)

“We wandered through exhibits in and around the ‘Downtown Mall,’ Charlottesville’s hipster outdoor space where much of this Photography Festival thing was going on. Photographers were shooting like they were Annie Liebovitz in Tiananmen Square on revolution day. I’m pretty sure I ended up part of someone’s Street Art Portfolio.” (2015)

“Does that Brewer guy still slide into a pool after home runs? I hope so.” (2012)

“I’m not an expert on baseball, but I feel like I’m not destroying a thoughtful national conversation by weighing in on it from time to time.” (2013)

“I have been cold since I was 12.” (2014)

“I saw that Cincinnati just signed Jair Jurrgens. My take on that … if your team is signing the Orioles’ pitching castoffs, you probably have a bigger problem than you realize.” (2014)

“I’ll write what she’s writing.” (2015. The headline from a discarded draft in praise of Nora Ephron.)

“I’ve bet on baseball and I don’t belong in the Hall of Fame either.” (2015)

“Jim Palmer wrote to me!” (2015)

Actually, he typed.

One Magazine.

Posted on November 29, 2015 by Jackie, The Baseball Bloggess

At the start of every holiday I make a “to-do” list. Don’t get the wrong idea – thinking that I am a habitually organized person who makes to-do lists for everything. I don’t.

I really just make to-do lists to make sure my holidays are well used.

I don’t want to waste a minute of a day off, let alone an entire week of days off, since they don’t come around that often.

My list was three pages long. The “work stuff” page was longer than the “fun stuff” page, and one of the things on the “fun” page was “Do something fun” which shows how uninspiring my lists can be.

Mookie’s To-Do List: 1) Look for Squirrels.

Now, with the end of this holiday approaching much faster than it should, I have one last load of massage laundry left to do, which will give me one more satisfying check-off on my list.

Lest you get another wrong-headed idea – that I actually accomplish all those things that need doing – let me assure you, my list’s check-off rate, even with that last load of linens, was barely 46 percent. (Forty-six percent, however, puts me well ahead of Donald Trump in the polls!)

One of the things I did do … I worked my way through a year’s worth of magazines that had piled up by my bedside.

I love magazines. I love them so much that I don’t even mind the perfume samples, ads, and blow cards that fill them.

There was a time when I had as many magazine subscriptions as a small-town library.

Time was not enough. I had to have Newsweek, too, to catch the things that Time missed. (I had a fling with U.S. News, but it didn’t last.)

New Yorkers would sit, sometimes for years, because they were too precious to discard even though there was more inside a single issue than I could ever read. Old New Yorker covers and cartoons are still tacked up on my office walls … even though the subscription expired long ago.

My dad would, without fail, renew my Reader’s Digest each Christmas, and when he passed away, I let it go. But, when my mom died, I absorbed her beloved People subscription, and, although it is pricey and generally news-less, I still keep it, because it seems like something she would want me to do.

I’ve subscribed to Rolling Stone since high school and it hasn’t changed much in all that time, except to become much smaller, and Bob Dylan is still a comforting presence on at least one cover each year. I let Spin go years back. I long for the days of Trouser Press, which you have probably never even heard of.

Still to-do — Read all these Dylan articles.

Sport. Baseball Weekly. Elysian Fields Quarterly. I got ‘em all.

I’m told that Sport is still around.

And, Sports Illustrated.

At first, my dad would just mail me his old copies, and they would come stuffed three or four to an envelope, often months out of order. Except the swimsuit issue. He always kept that one.

Eventually, he got me my own subscription, but sadly, there were no dad comments written in the margins or big circles drawn in Sharpie around the stories my dad felt were most important. I let SI go for awhile. But, I came back, because it is, I swear, one of the best-written magazines ever.

Editor/Husband estimates that I read 25 pounds of magazines over the holiday.

“Read” is relative here.

One “reads” War & Peace. One “skimmalafies” a year-old Rolling Stone (oh, look, Bob Dylan!). In the case of People, “reading” may mean simply seeing how fast you can do the crossword or marveling that this week’s cover story on Adele contains not one single piece of original reporting, but is just a jumble of Adele’s previous quotes to Rolling Stone and the Today Show. (Which means that People did what any blogger could do.)

Zuzu is not one for celebrity gossip or, in the case of the new Adele cover story, lazy reporting.

Editor/Husband gets one magazine – Vanity Fair. He has three years of them stacked up on his side of the bed.

“I read them as frequently as there is a Common Redpoll irruption.”

Which means, almost never. Editor/Husband was very excited to see a Common Redpoll at our birdfeeder this morning. (If they’re so rare, why are they called “common”?)

http://www.allaboutbirds.org

I planned to share three of the best articles I read with you.

But, as the days wore on and the pile by the bed got smaller, I thought maybe two articles would be enough.

Now, the pile’s gone and I have one magazine set aside. Just one article.

It’s from a 2014 Sports Illustrated and it’s about Roger Angell, who has written for the New Yorker since 1944, the last 53 years as its baseball writer.

Why should you read it? Because it is beautiful.

Because it includes the line, “Angell is the curator of our baseball souls.”

Because, as Angell points out, reading about baseball is somehow even more exciting, vibrant, and memorable than just watching a highlight replayed on video. Maybe because a play is just a play on film. But, when someone who loves the game writes about it, it takes on extra layers, extra meanings … maybe joy, maybe amazement, or maybe despair. It becomes personal, something a video is not.

You can find the Sports Illustrated profile here: The Passion of Roger Angell.

And, you can find Angell’s New Yorker piece This Old Man about aging and getting by in your 90s, which won a National Magazine Award and has one of the world’s best jokes about death, here.

It has been four weeks since baseball.

Becomingly Thankful

Posted on November 26, 2015 by Jackie, The Baseball Bloggess

“Everybody was becomingly thankful.” ~ The Baltimore Sun, November 26, 1897

There’s not a lot of baseball on Thanksgiving.

It’s just turkey and football, isn’t it?

Sure, maybe there’s someone, somewhere having a catch before dinner. But, finding a game – a real game – is hard to do on Thanksgiving.

It was pretty much just turkey and football back in 1897, too. And, it’s been that way every Thanksgiving since.

But, I did find two bits of Thanksgiving baseball in 1897 …

On Thanksgiving Day, the boys of St. Mary’s Industrial School – the school for truants, miscreants, and wayward boys located on the outskirts of Baltimore – mostly played football. But, a few of them played baseball that day. It was a dull and cloudy day, but the rain held off until after dark, so the day was fine enough for outdoor games.

Thanksgiving 1897 was, for the 535 boys of St. Mary’s, “a delightful day,” The Baltimore Sun reported.

The school was still five years away from enrolling its most famous student – George (not-yet-Babe) Ruth who was committed to St. Mary’s by his parents for being incorrigible in 1902.

Babe_Ruth_-_St._Mary's_Industrial_School

Public Domain image (1913)

In 1897, George “Baby” Ruth was just 2 years old and several years away from becoming a star player for St. Mary’s Industrial School. (Here he is in 1913 — back row, center, with his catcher’s gear.)

The Baltimore Orioles also played on Thanksgiving Day 1897.

They had just finished their season in second place and were out on the West Coast on one of those barn-storming “all-star” tours that travelled through warm-weather states in the off-season as a way to make the owners some dough and help players make ends meet.

Public Domain (1897)

Baltimore Orioles “California Tour” Promotional Photograph. 1897

The Orioles spent their Thanksgiving being beaten 4-3 by the Sacramento Gilt Edges, a California League team.

(The Gilt Edges, by the way, got their name from Sacramento’s Ruhstaller’s Brewery, maker of Gilt Edge beer. The brewery still exists and they still make Gilt Edge.)

But for most Americans, Thanksgiving Day 1897 was a day for church-going (“services were most elaborate affairs, and in their magnitude and importance, were only surpassed by the Easter Festivals,” The Washington Post explained) … college football (the University of Virginia beat Carolina in the “South’s Oldest Rivalry” game, 12-0, wahoowa!) … and serving roast turkey dinners with all the usual trimmings to the poor, the infirm, the elderly, and the imprisoned.

Thanksgiving Day back then, it seems, was less a day to count one’s own blessings, but instead was a day to help provide the less fortunate with a belly-filling meal for which they could be thankful.

The Humphrey House, a Jamestown, New York hotel and restaurant, reminded its diners of the blessings of sharing a meal with the poor on their Thanksgiving Day menu.

Public Domain, via University of Nevada, Las Vegas, University Libraries. (1897)

“They who divide the plenty, By a bounteous Father given, Shall multiply this day the thanks, That sweetly rise to Heaven.”

(You can see the Humphrey House’s full Thanksgiving menu here.)

As The Baltimore Sun explained, “Many generous-hearted people were anxious that others should find some rays of sunshine in their lives to be grateful for and devoted part of the remaining hours to aiding the poor, sick, or those confined in institutions.”

The Baltimore Sun, November 26, 1897

“Everybody was becomingly thankful.”

That’s how The Baltimore Sun described Thanksgiving Day 1897.

Becomingly thankful.

May we all be becomingly thankful today, too.

Something Like A Star

Posted on November 16, 2015 by Jackie, The Baseball Bloggess

So when at times the mob is swayed
To carry praise or blame too far,
We may choose something like a star
To stay our minds on and be staid. ~ Robert Frost

Baseball is a team sport oddly suited for solitude and introverts. To watch, immersed, the pitcher and the batter, standing alone in their places, like those people crowded on the morning subway, absorbed in their alone-ness while standing hip close in a can filled with people.

Like those people who sit alone at the end of the bar staring into ice.

Like those people in church who come early and kneel and hold their rosary more tightly than it needs and you think, “Boy, there must be some stories in those sins.”

The pitcher and the batter, interrupted only by the occasional sign from the catcher or the intrusion of the umpire.

The lonely outfielders, way out in their grass, staring into the game, just like I do off in the bleachers.

Because to immerse yourself in the game as a fan, day after night after day, is an introversion, too.

Manny Machado. May 31, 2015. Camden Yards, Baltimore. © The Baseball Bloggess

So, when you step out of baseball, when there are no more games, when the players disappear into the fog of that last out to go where sleepy players go when they’re not there on the grass, when you only have the memory of those one or two great plays from the thousands that you have seen, you’re a little like a bear, I think, crawling out of winter torpor or waking up after a night’s storm.

You step out into the sunlight, squint, and look around and see what the world has been doing while you’ve been baseballing.

And, you think, “Shit.”

Because the world seems mean and angry and evil. And, nothing and everything has changed from when you left, when you slipped inside that first game of the spring.

Some of my friends wonder how I can love baseball.

How can I not?

When I saw my first game, I was older, in my 20s. And, our seats were up high in Baltimore’s old Memorial Stadium. And, we wound our way up through those concrete halls and stepped out into the night, where the lights were bright though the sky was not yet dark, and the grass on that wide field was greener than any other grass in the world, and the diamond so carefully cut in straight and even lines, and there were people playing and tossing a ball, and I have only one memory of that first game, looking at all of that before me and thinking, “I’m home.”

How can I not love baseball?

Because this world seems a scary, ugly place. And, is it wrong to want to look away sometimes?

Not to feed the dark impulse to close one’s eyes completely. But, just to seek a second of solitude. So as not to be guided by fear or the misdirection or broad brush of anger.

The game is a rest station. Something like a star.

It has been two weeks without baseball.

Allen Toussaint (1938-2015)

I Wonder What Mike Trout Is Doing Right Now?

Posted on November 7, 2015 by Jackie, The Baseball Bloggess

“The world’s series turned over and gave its last gasp yesterday. …This morning will see all the players except home-breds on their way back home or headed for the great open spaces where the streams abound with fish and woods are full of game.” The New York Times, October 18, 1923

I wonder what Mike Trout is doing right now?

How strange to have your free days all bundled together into a handful of weeks in the chill of fall and winter. I spend my free time following baseball. Mike Trout doesn’t.

It’s been one week without baseball.

It’s estimated that 800,000 people turned out in Kansas City on Tuesday to greet the World Series champion Royals along the parade route – that’s nearly half the city’s population. Businesses and schools closed, while bars along the parade route opened at 8:30 a.m.

That’s righteous support, Royals fans! You have made baseball feel magical and important again. Take that, Super Bowl.

Embed from Getty Images

That’s one mess of blue.

So, how to spend these winter-ish days? They are, to the casual observer, baseball-less, but, to those who know better, they are filled with games in Arizona and the Caribbean and Australia.

There’s the intrigue of the “hot stove” where owners toss money and players around like Secret Santa gifts, and where I, as is tradition, wonder how I ended up loving cheapskates like the Orioles. There’s a candy cane stuck in my stocking, while everyone else gets coffee gift cards, imported chocolates, and Zack Greinke.

For most players the off-season is already a month old, and these first weeks are spent hunting and fishing, getting married, and having surgeries to knit up season-old injuries.

Public Domain via Library of Congress

Cy Young

In 1904, Cy Young advised: “Take things comparatively easy during the off season. … Light farm work in the off season has helped me. It is healthier than life in the big city.”

I’m all for taking things comparatively easy, but, any farmer will tell you, “light” farm work is always more strenuous, complicated, and exhausting than you planned on. And, I’m pretty sure that “light farm work” in 1904 meant 14 hours of labor, a hunk of bread for lunch, and trying not to lose your hand in the thresher.

In 1909, the “Old Fox” Clark Griffith, managing the Cincinnati Reds at the time, stopped his players from playing baseball in the off-season. “Playing ball in the winter ruins a man for his best work in the good old summer time,” he told The Washington Post. “Baseball is a sport which taxes the nerves as well as the muscles, and a man is sure to go stale unless he has plenty of time to recuperate.”

Public Domain via Library of Congress

Clark Griffith Reminds You To Take It Easy … Get Some Rest.

This didn’t stop other players from making a buck by joining barnstorming teams that traveled the country or headed to Cuba or played in indoor leagues.

During the 1980s, the Royals’ wall-climbing outfielder Bo Jackson would spend his off-season as a running-back with the LA Raiders. He called football his “hobby.”

Bo Knows …

Cy Young pitched for 21 seasons; won 511 games, the most in baseball history; and threw three no-hitters, including one perfect game.

So, maybe he’s right. About the taking it easy part, not the light farm work.

Maybe fans need time to recuperate, too.

The only light farm work I will be doing is taking the garden gnomes in for the winter.

But, there are books to read, cats that need feeding, and rooms that need dusting. I’m sure there is other stuff as well. And, if you give me a couple days, I will surely come up with something.

To Do: Hang The Toilet Paper Back On The Roller.

And, I saved a couple games on the DVR, too … … … because I lied about dusting.

Oh … and what about Mike Trout? Come to find out, he wants to be a weatherman and he’s angling to join The Weather Channel this off-season. “We’re planning on me doing a story when there’s a big storm in Jersey,” he said. “Hopefully, we get a big snowstorm.”

Angels at Orioles June 27, 2012. Photo by Keith Allison from Owings Mills, MD [CC BY-SA 2.0], via Wikimedia Commons

Mike Trout is a) robbing a “sure” home run from Orioles shortstop J.J. Hardy, or b) checking to see which way the wind blows.

The all-knowing Twitter was able to tell me exactly what Mike Trout was doing “right now” as I wrote this post:

Great day of snook fishing with Trouty! @MikeTrout pic.twitter.com/Y7QEk19vtl

— Mike Piazza (@pizzaboy34) November 7, 2015

Huntin’ and fishin’. That’s all they do isn’t it?

Messin’ With Texas

Posted on October 17, 2015 by Jackie, The Baseball Bloggess

It was a long shot. You know, asking Texas teams to knock the Toronto Blue Jays and Kansas City Royals out of the post season. Knock them out for no good reason, except, really, for spite.

Spitefulness is not an attractive character trait. I know this, so you can stop with the nose-crinkling.

As an Orioles fan, I can’t root for the Royals who soundly steamrolled the O’s in last year’s ALCS and I can’t root for the Blue Jays because … if for no other reason than their fans always seem to be throwing their beer around and I can’t like an untidy country.

Even the players begged fans to stop throwing beer. And, they’re a team that likes throwing bats and stuff.

I had hopes for those pesky Houston Astros. I really thought they could squeeze past the Royals.

But, they let me down.

The Texas Rangers over the Blue Jays? Hey, I knew it wasn’t going to happen. But, a girl can dream.

Now, I realize, you just can’t count on Texas.

It is a very big state with, apparently, nothing to show for it.

If you ask the Googler “What is Texas famous for?”, it will tell you … The Alamo, a battle that didn’t go particularly well for the Texans. So really, even Texas can’t come up with anything.

Look, I was only asking a couple of Texas teams to win a couple ball games. And, the Texans let me down. Just like the Alamo.

Now I’m stuck rooting for the National League, and for heaven’s sake, they let their pitchers bat! What is wrong with those people?

I know some of you hipsters are saying, “Hey, what about Janis Joplin?” Texas was horrible to Janis. They can’t be taking credit for her after they bullied her in high school. (For those who will argue for Buddy Holly … yes, you’ve got a point. But, I’m not letting your thoughtfulness mess up this post.)

I can come up with only three good things to ever come out of the state.

1) Texas Toast.

First off, my local grocery has an entire freezer case – the whole thing! – dedicated to Texas toast.

Imagine that! Those Texas geniuses have saved us the trouble of buttering our own toast! They just freeze the toast with the butter right on it. It’s amazing.

I was feeling kinda bad about trash-talking the state when they’ve gone to all the trouble to freeze toast with the butter already on it.

Then I discovered this. (And, you Texas Toast fans could have told me this and saved me all this trouble.) It’s not even toast! You still have to take your frozen butter-bread and toast the thing yourself. Which just goes to prove my point. You can’t count on Texas for anything.

Look! Even the Texas Toast is rooting for the Mets!

So, we’re left with …

2) Chris Davis, (born in Longview and now lives in Arlington, Texas).

The (still, for the time-being) Orioles’ Chris Davis hit 47 homeruns this season. That’s more than anyone else.

47 homers. This is one of them.

It wasn’t enough to get the Orioles to the post-season, but it was enough to help give the O’s a solid break-even .500 season, which, when you set the bar very low, isn’t so bad.

Davis is now a free agent, and most baseball smarties believe he will flee Baltimore for the bright lights of a multi-year, multi-million-million-million-dollar payday. Can’t blame him. But, if he does, he’s coming off this list … tossed right beside the unreliable Astros, Rangers, and those boxes of Texas “toast.”

3) Doak Dozier (Ft. Worth).

Doak Dozier is a freshman outfielder at the University of Virginia. With only a few “fall ball” exhibitions under his belt this month, I can’t tell you much about his abilities. But, scouts think he’s got potential.

He has, they say, “outstanding hitting ability. … Always hits.”

“[H]ighly athletic … with a pretty swing and tools to burn.”

Nice swing.

At Arlington Heights High School, he was a baseball star, All-State, and named a “Perfect Game” All-American. Here’s what they were saying during this year’s draft.

I just think he has one of the best names in baseball.

Doak.

(Not as good as Mookie, of course, but better than Hunter Pence.)

That’s really all it takes to make this list today.

In case you think I haven’t done my research, trust me. I now know that silicone breast implants, Fritos, and Dell computers all come from Texas. (I’m writing this on a Dell. Which makes me think I’m really sticking it to ‘em.)

So, you can’t count on Texas. Except for Chris Davis (as an Oriole, but not playing for anyone else), Doak Dozier, maybe, I really don’t know, but he has a nice name, and Buddy Holly. But, that’s it.

Oh, and those bats in Austin. They’re awesome.

Happy Place: There’s No Place Like It

Posted on October 14, 2015 by Jackie, The Baseball Bloggess

When The Daily Post asked bloggers to show their “Happy Place” on their blogs this week I wasn’t going to play along. After all, what do you expect me to say?

Mid pleasures and palaces though we may roam,

Be it ever so humble, there’s no place like home;

A charm from the skies seems to hallow us there,

Which seek thro’ the world, is ne’er met elsewhere.

Home! Home! Sweet, sweet home!

There’s no place like home! There’s no place like home!

~ From the 1823 opera “Clari, or the Maid of Milan.”

Funny thing. 1823 is also the year that we can find the first known references to the game of “base ball”:

“I was last Saturday much pleased in witnessing a company of active young men playing the manly and athletic game of ‘base ball’ at the Retreat in Broadway.” ~ The National Advocate, April 23, 1823.

Coincidence? Of course not.

There’s no place like home.

Photo: The University of Virginia vs. the Ontario Blue Jays. Davenport Field, Charlottesville, Virginia. October 13, 2015. (Taken behind the netting. Sorry about that.) © The Baseball Bloggess

UVa defeated the Canadian squad (an 18-and-under team featuring some of the best young players in the country) 12-5 last night in a strange 14-inning “exhibition” game that was a more a showcase for scouts, I think, than an actual game. Players batting out of order. Pinch runners pinch running and then disappearing. Really odd.

But, still … even really odd baseball is Happy Place worthy.

In response to The Daily Post’s weekly photo challenge: “Happy Place.”

Baseball & The Wildlife Center of Virginia. The Cubs, Cards, Blue Jays … & You.

Posted on October 10, 2015 by Jackie, The Baseball Bloggess

When the season’s over and your team’s gone fishin’ … or gone off in search of multimillion-dollar paydays with other teams (No, Chris, No! Wait, don’t go!) … it’s time to see what’s been going on in the non-baseball world.

Good grief, the Wildlife Center of Virginia Gala is Saturday, October 17!

I’m only telling you this because the Wildlife Center is awesome and cares for thousands of wild animals each year and because there are some baseball-related auction items that you really need.

And, since you can bid online and have things shipped to you, it would be just plain greedy of me to keep all these nice things for myself.

Every single item was donated directly to the Wildlife Center of Virginia. Every single penny of your winning bid will go toward saving the lives of ill and injured wildlife, including Black Bear cubs (go Cubs!), Northern Cardinals (go Cards!), and Blue Jays (go … uh, errrr … uh, go Blue Jays, whoo.<- – – half-hearted whoo.)

(No worries, O’s fans. They care for Baltimore Orioles, too.)

The Wildlife Center of Virginia relies entirely on the generosity of people like us.

They have lots of cool things to bid on this year; you can see some of them here.

Here are a few:

CHRIS DAVIS BASEBALLS. Current (and hopefully future) Baltimore Oriole Chris “Crush” Davis hit more home runs than ANYBODY in 2015 (and in 2013).

Here’s a “Crush” homer against the Oakland A’s in August.

Because Davis is a big guy, you don’t get one signed ball, you get two.

(IDEA: Keep one for your collection and give one to me!)

These balls were signed during an Orioles series in Texas this season and donated to the Center by a member of the Davis family.

UNIVERSITY OF VIRGINIA COLLEGE WORLD SERIES 2015 PRINT. They’ve been playing baseball at the University of Virginia for 126 years, but only once – ONCE! – have they won the College World Series. And, it was this year. Local artist Jeff Curry documents many UVa sports and events and this print celebrates the Hoos’ unlikely, amazing, and historic victory in the CWS, defeating Vanderbilt for the crown.

This limited edition print has been framed and is signed and numbered by the artist.

Another lovely auction piece: this rare, limited-edition P. Buckley Moss lithograph of the University of Virginia:

FOUR RICHMOND FLYING SQUIRRELS TICKETS. First of all, they’re the Flying Squirrels – and any team named the Flying Squirrels is awesome. Second, they’re the Double A affiliate of the San Francisco Giants and some of the best players in the majors today have been Squirrels, including Matt Duffy (my Rookie of the Year pick), and All-Stars Joe Panik and Brandon Crawford.

Choose any game during the 2016 season (except Opening Day or July 4). Why, yes, I am available that day and I would love to go with you, thanks for asking! :)

AEROSMITH SIGNED CONCERT-USED DRUMHEAD. Aerosmith is from Boston. So are the Red Sox. (OK, that’s all I got.) But, this drumhead, used during Aerosmith’s 2015 “Blue Army” tour, has been signed by the entire band and comes with a pair of Joey Kramer’s own drumsticks, so it is both a rare piece of rock history and a quite usable noisemaker.

The production manager on Aerosmith’s summer tour is a friend of the Wildlife Center (and, I kid you not, he predicted right here on this blog last spring that the Rangers would go to the post-season. I laughed at him then. Sorry, Chris. You were right.) Chris had this drumhead signed exclusively for this event. Hang this in your house and your world will change for the better, I’m quite sure of it.

90-MINUTE HOT STONE MASSAGE. Yes, I’m going to brag. My hot stones are like a steamy, sweet hot chocolate at a cold, October baseball game. They’ll warm you up inside and out and your team will always win. My hot stones rock. (<- – -massage humor.) I promise you, the massage is pretty sweet, too. No shipping on this item, but if you’re near Madison, Virginia … you really oughta bid.

I’ve also put together a “YOGA IN A BASKET” filled with DVDs, music, and other Yoga-riffic treats. (More info on all I’ve tucked in it is here.)

If you have questions or are ready to bid, email auctionbid@wildlifecenter.org.

The deadline for absentee bids is Friday, October 16, 2015 at 3:00 p.m. Eastern.

Bidding info can be found here.

Bid generously. Make a difference. Save a wild animal’s life.

Thank you!

Boundaries: Game 162

Posted on October 4, 2015 by Jackie, The Baseball Bloggess

Every fan knows that baseball mimics the seasons.

The year starts with the freshness of spring when anything — everything — is possible.

On to summer, when the sun runs high and hot, the nights turn steamy, and the hottest teams go on sweaty win streaks and the homers fly out like crazy because, as every fan knows, baseballs love the heat and humidity.