“Baltimore was bad last year, but this year it will be much worse. Its starting lineup is made up entirely of bums, retreads, and no-hopers. This team is more Major League than the movie.” ~ The Toronto Globe & Mail, April 27, 2019
Dear Baltimore Orioles,
It’s Opening Day and I believe in you.
Sure, I also believe in climate change, e.coli in my romaine, and menopause. These things do me no good, but I must believe in them because they are real.
But, I believe there’s more to you than just bad things.
I don’t believe you are made up entirely of “bums, retreads, and no-hopers.”
Sure, nearly half of your roster — 11 of the 25 players — are enjoying their very first Opening Day in the majors. I’m looking forward to learning all their names.
“It’s a dream come true,” infielder Drew Jackson told The Baltimore Sun. Last year he was playing AA ball in the Dodgers system.
Drew Jackson. I’ve learned one new name already!
I believe that you all have worked up some crazy, ingenious, secret plan that will make you better … better than last year’s historic 115 losses. Better than what everyone else believes is possible.
I believe you’re going to try your best not to suck.
(I can’t believe I had to write that.)
I’m not sure why I believe in you, because it seems pretty hopeless, doesn’t it?
But, it’s baseball season and it’s nice to feel hopeful on Opening Day.
No matter what anyone else says.
I believe in you.
(Please don’t lose 100 games.)
Your Pollyanna Friend, The Baseball Bloggess
P.S. Toronto Globe & Mail Sourpusses: You do know that the bums, retreads, and no-hopers of “Major League” won the AL East in that movie, right? On a bunt … a freaking beautiful bunt.